Casually Cruel
by TheLittle MissVixen
Summary: AU/AH/ 'You're different, not the guy I used to know' -Maybe you never really knew me- 'Yes I did'. She knew the depths of his soul, loved and accepted every part of him. Now he's lost and he doesn't think she can find him and she's not sure she wants to.
1. The other half of me

_**I'm back! It's a brand New Year and I'm so excited to be back with you guys, well this idea has been running around my head for a while now but I'm not really sure what I want to do with it lol I would like you to read it and tell me your thoughts. **_

_**Huge, huge thanks to Amy (XXXMrsSalvatorexxx) for being my beta for this**_

_**Thanks a lot for reading me.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Sam**_

* * *

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear

You almost feel ashamed

That someone could be that important

That without them, you feel like nothing

No one will ever understand how much it hurts

You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you

And when it's over, and it's gone

You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back

So that you could have the good

**We found love –Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris**-

_._

_._

Elena Gilbert opened the door of the apartment and felt the cold air hit her face, it was thick and heavy and even though Caroline had made sure that it was ready for her comeback, the place still held the memory of being forgotten for too long.

She walked inside with her purple suitcase rolling behind her, all of her other things were supposed to arrive tomorrow, so right now it was just her and that suitcase. She closed the door and leaned herself against it for a little while.

After four years she was back in New York, this time for good, or at least that was what she wanted. She felt cold despite being on the inside so she hugged herself, trying to keep her body warm but deep down inside she knew the cold had nothing to do with the weather, and she hated him for it.

She walked towards the big glass window which had an amazing view of the city under her, the lights shining before her, a beautiful sight but she found herself unable to enjoy it. She'd lived in Paris for the last four years, visited wonderful places, tasted the most delicious food and lived the most amazing experiences a human being could live but she was never able to really enjoy it. Could someone be so broken that they can't enjoy the simplest of things? Could someone be broken forever?

When she was fifteen she believed in love, love at first sight, fairytale love, all kinds of love. She believed that the world could keep spinning because of that, because of the love that people shared. But now? Now she didn't believe in any of that stuff anymore. Now she knew what real life was.

Somehow she always felt like she didn't belong, like she was born in the wrong time and in the wrong place, like something was missing. She always wondered if everyone felt that way at some point of their lives or if it was just her. But when she was with him that feeling faded away, he was the piece that was missing, he was where she belonged. So how can you move on without being complete? How can you keep living without that other half of you?

Elena was a strong woman, she knew that. She had lost her parents when she was sixteen and yet she managed to take care of her little brother, she had helped Jenna with raising them, had finished a career and was a successful woman. Then how come a single man destroyed her whole world?

People often said that it was stupid to let your world crumble down because of a man, but she couldn't help it. He'd broken her beyond repair, and it wasn't really stupid, how can you keep being the same person when your heart isn't with you anymore?

She pressed her forehead against the cold glass of the window, the worst part was that she didn't really hate him; she still loved him like she did the first day she met him. She still remembered it as if it was yesterday, an eight year old girl crying because she scraped her knee in the backyard, her parents were too far to hear her but he wasn't. He didn't even know her but he placed his arms around her and held her tight while she sobbed, telling her everything would be okay and that his mom was a doctor, she would fix her.

That was the moment she loved him, the first boy she noticed as something more than a friend, her first kiss, her first everything. Sometimes she wished he was still that twelve-year-old boy she'd met back then, that his heart hadn't been so ruined with life's cruelty, that he could still be the man she once loved.

She knew that she couldn't keep thinking like that, Damon was her past, he was never going to be that guy again and she had to learn to accept that. Four years ago she ran away from all of this but now she would have to face it all again, and she wasn't running anymore.

The ring of her phone echoed in the entire apartment and brought her out of her trance, she walked to the table and picked it up before dropping herself on the couch to answer it.

"Hello!" Caroline and Bonnie both yelled on the other side of the phone. The excitement in their voices was palpable and Elena couldn't help but smile at this.

"It seems someone is happy I'm back."

"Of course we are Lena, we missed you so much." Bonnie said with emotion in her voice. Even though the girls had visited her several times over the last four years, it still wasn't like them all being together in the same city again.

"I missed you too girls, but now I'm back. For good." Both girls could hear the conviction in their friend's voice.

"Well, we need to celebrate." Caroline chirped excitedly. "So get ready we're picking you up in an hour!"

"No, Caroline, I'm really ti-"

"Don't! Don't fight me Lena, I know you're tired and all that but we are young only once!" Elena knew that Caroline wouldn't take a no for an answer but she couldn't help but try, after all she really wasn't in the mood to go out.

"I don't even have anything to wear Caroline, all my stuff arrives tomorrow." She whined.

"Well my dear friend, I already arranged that." Elena could picture Caroline smirking on the other side of the phone. "There's a brand new outfit hanging in your closet that's perfect for tonight."

"Caroline, you did not-"

"Yes, I did."

"So, we're picking you up!" Bonnie said with equal enthusiasm as Caroline. "Jeremy, Tyler, Matt, Rebekah and Stefan will be there."

"Stefan is going to be there?" Elena said with anxiety in her voice.

"Yes." Caroline said, letting out a sigh.

"Guys, how's- how's he?" both girls knew that she wasn't referring to Stefan.

"He's doing good for all we know." Caroline answered softly. "Apparently Giuseppe is planning his retirement and the company is going to stay in his charge. That's all we know."

"And what about Stefan, he doesn't know more?" Elena knew she shouldn't be asking those things. Just a few minutes ago her resolution had been to forget about him, but she just couldn't help herself.

"Well Elena, Damon and Stefan kind of lost contact." Bonnie answered quietly; Elena could hear the seriousness in her voice. She couldn't understand, Stefan and Damon were best friends, they always shared everything, their relationship was annoyingly codependent sometimes, then how come Damon lost contact with his own brother?

"Why?" she asked softly.

"Lena, Damon is not the same man he was when you dated him." Bonnie said in a soft tone, she knew the elder Salvatore brother was a sore subject with her friend.

"Well that's very clear Bonnie." She answered sarcastically.

"But he's not the same man he was when you left either." Caroline answered this time. "He's changed, he's detached and cold, he's even… cruel."

Elena couldn't believe what she was hearing, that couldn't be the same Damon she knew, after everything he put her trough she had no doubt that deep down he was a good man, she saw glimpses of the evil Damon the night of their breakup but she refused to believe that his good self was overshadowed by the other part, the part that destroyed her.

"Okay, enough about him." Elena said wiping away the few tears that had left her eyes. "I'll go get ready, pick me up in an hour."

"Yes!" both girls shrieked from the other side of the phone.

"We're going to have a blast ladies." She said happily before hanging up the phone and getting up off the couch.

The old Elena was coming back tonight. No more crying over Damon Salvatore, he certainly didn't deserve it.

And for the first time she saw her sun shining a little brighter.

* * *

The night was flowing marvelously; she had missed these people for so long. They were the ones she grew up with and being away from them for so long definitely had been hard on her. She hadn't realized how much she missed them until she felt Jeremy's arms around her.

They were currently in some of the most popular bars in the city according to Caroline, the six of them sitting on a little corner of the place and nothing felt more right to Elena, they had been laughing and remembering and for the first time in a while, she felt at home.

"So what are you planning to do now that you're here?" Stefan asked Elena softly.

"Well in Paris I was working for Elle magazine and they said they could transfer me but…"

"But what?" Caroline said urgently. Elena had grown up with a deep love for writing and fashion so working for a fashion magazine was her dream job, and Caroline couldn't think of anything better than to work at Elle.

"I want to give Vogue a try." Elena said with a smile.

"Are you serious?!" Caroline said excitedly.

"Yeah, now I just need to get an interview." Elena said with a pout

"Oh don't worry about that." Bonnie spoke softly with a smile on her face. "There's no one more persevering than you."

"That's true." Stefan said smiling. "You'll get it without any trouble."

"Let's change the subject, why isn't Matt here? I thought he was coming?" Elena said before sipping the last drops of her drink. "It hurts my pride, really." She said jokingly.

"Well he's probably with his new girlfriend April." Caroline said rolling her eyes. "But she doesn't like to mix, so don't expect to see him around so often." The annoyance in her voice was palpable and everyone on the table tried their best not to laugh at Caroline's attitude.

The blonde girl had dated Matt for three years, they had ended things two years ago, none of the gang knew the reason, that was something the couple wanted to keep private. They stayed as good friends but Elena always knew that her friend never got over it, Caroline still loved Matt and the brunette girl was pretty sure that Matt also loved her friend.

"And what about Bex?" Elena changed the subject quickly, not wanting the atmosphere to get any thicker which it would do if they kept talking about Matt and his girlfriend.

"Yeah Stefan, we thought she was coming with you." Bonnie commented while looking at the younger Salvatore.

"Well I didn't ask her to come." He answered simply.

"Err-why?" Jeremy asked confused.

"Because I need your help with something very important and she cannot know." Stefan's voice grew serious gaining the attention of everyone on the table.

"You cheated on her right?" Tyler said while drinking his vodka.

"No!" Stefan answered immediately and the whole group let out a sigh. "Did you guys actually think-" He shook his head lightly.

"Then what is it?" Jeremy asked impatiently.

"I'm going to propose."

"No way!" Tyler said slamming his glass down on the wooden table. "Dude, you're planning your funeral." That earned him a jab on the side by Caroline.

"You're so letting me plan your wedding!" the blonde girl chirped happily while clapping her hands. Caroline was one of the most talented event planners in NYC and Stefan had no doubt that she would turn his wedding into a fairytale.

"That is amazing Stefan." Elena and Bonnie both said in unison before starting to laugh at their incredible timing.

"We're happy for you." Elena said with a big smile on her lips.

"Thank you." He smiled back and stared deeply into her eyes. He knew how hard it was for Elena to be around him, because of the memories he evoked, they had been best friends since childhood and despite how much it hurt to be around him because of the memory of his brother she didn't allow that to change their friendship and he loved her deeply because of that.

"And what's the help for?" Jeremy asked still being a little confused.

"You boys are so plain." Bonnie muttered under her breath.

"You could write it in little post-its and put them all around her car and her house!" Caroline said excitedly while Stefan looked at her horrified.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He whispered.

"You could tattoo it on your butt." Tyler said with a smile.

"What a poor girl who'll marry you." Elena told Tyler with a grin.

"Oh I know!" Caroline said with a smile. "You could write it with candles like Chad Michael Murray did to Sophia Bush!"

"And then he cheated on her." Bonnie muttered. "So I think that's not such a good idea." Caroline thought about it for a second and then nodded to her friend.

"What about sand writing?" Elena spoke softly. "It's not very original, but it's really nice."

"You could take her on a trip to the beach or something and then at night you could show it to her." Caroline said with a small smile and dreamy eyes while the other girls on the table nodded at the idea.

"I think we have a winner!" Stefan said excitedly.

"And where's the ring?" Jeremy asked.

"I didn't bring it with me dumbass." Stefan said rolling his eyes. "But you're all gonna get the chance to see it."

While the gang kept joking around about Stefan's proposal she couldn't help but wish Damon was here. This was the kind of moments that they used to enjoy together… all of them. He had been an important part of their group and it was really sad that she was the only one who remembered that.

She lifted her eyes to watch Stefan and shared a quick look with him that let her know he was thinking the same. Bonnie said that they weren't close anymore and Elena knew he wanted to share this moment with his brother.

How was it that things had changed so much? Right now she couldn't even remember the moment when everything started to fall apart. She started to feel the overwhelming sadness that accompanied every thought of him and knew she needed a little time out.

"I'm going to the bathroom." She spoke softly and the people around her nodded, oblivious to everything she was feeling right now.

She splashed some water on her face and stared at her reflection in the mirror, her attempt to pass a night without his memory had started pretty well but now it was just trashy. If she had learned something over the last four years it was that no matter how far she was, she couldn't escape him.

Sometimes she wondered if he thought about her? Or if he had completely forgot about her?

She exited the bathroom and stopped at the bar to order herself another drink, she wanted to be alone for a little while before returning to the table. Once the bartender spotted her she asked for a strawberry Daiquiri.

"I see you still like the girly drinks." She heard the voice behind her and for a minute she thought she was dreaming. Her stomach started to get knots and her legs were about to give up underneath her. Seriously, what were the odds of meeting him here tonight? Destiny was just plain cruel.

She took a deep breath before turning around and staring at the pair of baby blues that keep appearing in her dreams. He was still dazzlingly beautiful, but he looked more mature now. Harder.

"My memory didn't serve you well." He spoke softly, slowly invading her personal space. "You look even more gorgeous than what I remember." He said playing with a strand of her hair.

Her hair was different, now it fell in curls instead of having the straightened look she always had and her face looked a bit different, it didn't hold the same innocence as before, now it was tamed with a deep sadness that he knew was because of him. But that didn't make her less beautiful, no, she was as equally stunning as she was four years ago.

"What do you want Damon?" her voice was a shaky whisper. She wanted to be strong, wanted to show him that he didn't affect her as before but she couldn't. Not when all she wanted was to throw herself in his arms and beg him to take her back.

"I was just saying hi, it's been a long time." The smirk she loved so much appeared on his face, but it was different this time, there was a coldness in his eyes that didn't let her enjoy it like before. "I missed you." He leaned closer and placed a soft kiss onto her lips.

Elena knew he was playing her, like he did so many times in the past. But she couldn't help but explode with joy at the feel of his lips against hers. She had missed him so much, why was he hurting her like this? Had he not done enough?

"You still taste as amazing as before." He murmured next to her lips. His right hand started to trace small circles on her hip and Elena almost closed her eyes at the feeling.

"What do you want Damon?" the voice of Caroline brought Elena back to the present and she lifted her eyes to find her best friend behind the man in front of her.

"Missed you too Blondie." Damon said sarcastically. "I was just saying hi to Lena." The name was a caress against his tongue.

"Well you said it already, now get lost." Caroline fixed a bright, annoyed smile on her face and stared intently into his eyes.

"What if I don't want to?" he provoked her. "I know Lena doesn't want me to leave." He turned his eyes to look at Elena who couldn't do anything else but stare back at him. She hated herself in that moment, it didn't matter how strong she was, or successful, when she was with him she still felt like that fifteen year old she once was.

"Damon please, just leave." Stefan said appearing next to Caroline.

"Oh it's been a while brother." Damon said sardonically while looking at Stefan. Thousand of emotions going in his blue eyes.

"I know." Stefan answered while looking deeply at his brother.

"Fine, I'll leave. But only because you asked for it." He said to Stefan before turning around and placing a rebellious curl behind Elena's ear. "It's been a pleasure Lena." He whispered before leaning in and placing a kiss on her cheek.

Elena watched him disappear in the crowd and felt the enormous need to start crying, but she didn't. She couldn't let him take anything else out of her.

She was aware of Caroline's arms around her and the soothing words she kept repeating, but it was like everything else had just vanished, she felt numb, the memory of his lips still burning on her skin and her drink long forgotten.

* * *

_**So? Do you guys think it's worth it?**_


	2. Fool me twice shame on me

**_Helloooo! I'm so sorry that It took me so long to upload this one, I promise you'll have the next really soon._**

**_You have no Idea how much it means to me that you guys are reading this story, I'm actually very excited :D_**

**_I already answered to each one of your reviews but for those who I can't answer I just want to say THANK YOU! You guys make my day by reading this and taking the time to leave a review. I seriously have no words to express how grateful I am for that._**

**_I really hope the second chapter is what you expect, please let me know what you think. It really helps me out a lot._**

**_Huge huge Thanks to Amy (xxxMrsSalvatorexxx) For being my beta on this_**

**_Love,_**

**_Sam_**

* * *

_._

_Maybe a thief stole your heart_

_Or maybe we just drifted apart_

_I remember driving_

_In my daddy's car to the airfield_

_Blanket on the hood, backs against the windshield_

_Back then this thing was running on momentum, love and trust_

_That paradise is buried in the dust_

**_The way it was –The killers-_**

_._

_._

"So, how did it go?" Caroline asked excitedly as Elena sat down, it was a bright and shiny morning of June; it had been three weeks since she returned. They were in a little coffee shop in Brooklyn, one of the girls' favorites places.

"Do you have any idea of how hard it is to get an interview with that man?!" Elena answered clearly frustrated with the situation.

"That bad?" asked Stefan while sipping on his cappuccino.

"He's very handsome and his wife is beautiful too, they're going to make such cute babies." Caroline murmured absently while Elena and Stefan looked at her like she'd grown a third head or something.

"Anyway, it was awful, I mean I tried everything and I still can't reach Mr. Smith." Elena closed her eyes briefly before ordering herself a mocha latte. "I know that if I talk to him I can convince him that I'm the girl for the job, but the real trouble is getting the damn interview." Elena rubbed her temples softly.

She wanted the job in Vogue; it was Vogue for God sake! She and Caroline had loved that damn magazine since they were 10 years old.

"You'll get it Lena, I know it." Caroline said with a smile, the optimism this girl had was just unbelievable.

"And the good thing is you've still got the job at Elle." Stefan said with a small smile. He was right, the best thing she did was keep her job, she wanted to work at Vogue, but she needed to pay for her food.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She said before sipping her arriving latte. "Speaking of there's a party tonight and I kinda have to be there, wanna come?" she asked her two friends sitting in front of her.

"Yay!" Caroline said without a thought.

"I'll have to pass, my dad wants me to help him with some stuffs." Stefan answered with a pout.

"That's too bad." Elena said with a smile. "I guess you'll be my date tonight Care."

"Of course, we're the dynamic duo honey, like Romy and Michele." The blonde said with a smile that caused her two friends to burst into laughter.

"So…" Stefan said softly. "Rebekah and I are going to The Hamptons this weekend." Elena and Caroline had never seen him more nervous. It was quite adorable actually.

"Oh my gosh!" the blonde girl chipped excitedly. "This is great, I'm so excited for you." She gave Stefan a squeeze on the shoulder and he smiled at her.

"You think she's going to say yes?" he said with a hint of insecurity on his voice

"Of course." Elena answered without hesitation. "You two have been in love since forever."

Stefan and Rebekah had been together since they were fifteen and everyone always knew that they were going to end up together, you could see that they loved each other so much, and Elena was sure that no one was better for Stefan than Rebekah, he was her best friend after all and she wanted nothing more than for him to be happy.

"Lena…" He spoke softly.

"Oh no." Caroline let out a huff and cut a piece of her lemon cake before turning her eyes to Stefan once again.

"What?" Elena asked softly, already having an idea of what this talk was about.

"He- he talked to me last week." Stefan didn't need to say the name for her to know who he was referring to.

"What did he say?" she asked with a trembling voice not making eye contact with the youngest Salvatore brother.

"He wanted to know why you're back and how you're doing." Elena closed her eyes for a moment. She'd had a crappy morning and the last thing she needed was to know that Damon was asking for her. Why was he doing this to her?

"What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything relevant but I just wanted you to know that he's asking for you." His voice was laced with sadness and guilt, Elena knew how hard it was for Stefan to be caught up in the middle of all of this.

"As if that changes anything." Caroline murmured bitterly. "I swear I don't even know who Damon is anymore." Aside from Stefan and Elena, the blonde girl was one of the ones who resented Damon's separation more. She'd always had a great relationship with the elder Salvatore brother, that's why she was always so angry at him, disappointed of what he did to Elena.

"Caroline please." Stefan said softly.

"No Stefan, she's right." Elena said looking intently into his eyes. "Damon is not the same person anymore and it doesn't matter if he wanted to know about me, things are never going back to the way they were."

It hurt her to say those words but she knew it was the truth, after meeting him in the bar she'd had time to reflect, he wanted to play her, to hurt her like he did in the past, the Damon she used to know wouldn't do that, he promised to protect her, to take care of her but in the end he was the one destroying her.

"I know, I know." He muttered softly. "Now let's talk about something happier."

Stefan felt a big ache in his chest; he loved his brother, like nothing else. Even after all this time and the fact that he was no longer the person he grew up with, he loved him. He knew that deep down inside Damon was still the man he used to know. He was lost, that was it.

He would never stop fighting for his brother, even when everyone around him told him that Damon was not worth saving, he loved him and he was going to find a way to help him.

* * *

"Gosh I can't believe how stunning you look in that dress." Caroline commented while sipping her second Martini of the night. They were at the Party and she was having the time of her life.

"It's a Valentino and for what it cost me it better be stunning." Elena said with a smile before ordering herself a drink.

She was wearing a one strap little red dress that hugged her curves marvelously, her hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders and she had black pumps that made her legs look like they could go on for miles. Caroline on the other hand was wearing a strapless blue dress that contrasted with her skin beautifully.

"Tonight is the night Elena." The blonde girl said with conviction in her voice. "I've been a year without sex but I can't take it anymore, tonight is the night." Elena couldn't help but laugh at the seriousness in her friend's voice. "Don't laugh at me Gilbert, I need to get a man tonight."

"Are you being serious?" Elena asked with a raised eyebrow and a smile on her lips.

"Of course." She said with a sigh. "My love life is nonexistent at the moment. I mean I haven't had a real relationship since-" She took a deep breath, she may try to hide it but after two years the break up with Matt still hurt her. "Since Matt. So I need to go back on the market like… yesterday." She said with a roll of her eyes.

"Ok then." Elena said while smiling. "We better start looking." She started to scan the room looking for someone Caroline could like.

"And you know we should also look for one for you."

"No way."

"Elena you've been single since forever." Caroline said with a whine.

"That's so not true." Elena said faking indignation. "I dated Josh last year."

"Come on that was like one date." Elena rolled her eyes at her. "What about that one, he's kind of your type." She said pointing to a tall blonde boy with blue eyes.

"That is so not my type." She answered after scanning the boy deeply.

"What about him?"

"Too short." The blonde let out a huff at this.

"That one?"

"No."

"Ok, what about him?"

"No way, too hairy." Elena said while scrunching her nose.

"Him?"

"Not hairy enough."

"Oh come on!" the blonde girl looked at her with a resigned expression on her face.

"He's practically bald."

"Fine, how about that one?" she said pointing to a very handsome man with dark hair and hazel eyes.

"Uhmm..." She considered for a while before answering. "I don't like guys with beards."

"Really? " she gave her a look and Elena knew she was referring to the time Damon decided to let some facial hair grown on his face.

"That was different, that was Damon. I wanted him anyway I could get him." She sipped her drink forcing the images of Damon to go away from her mind.

"Hello future husband." Elena looked at where Caroline had fixated her eyes and saw a tall blonde man and recognized him immediately.

"Hey I know that guy!"

"Really?"

"Well not like know him, but he's Niklaus Michelson a famous reporter. I'm surprised you don't know him." Elena answered to her friend.

"Oh I've been blind all this time." She whispered before fixing her hair a bit and finishing her drink. "Looks like you'll be leaving alone tonight honey."

"Are you seriously going to leave me here by myself?" Elena asked with a pout.

"Sorry Lena but these opportunities don't come very often." She said before popping a kiss onto her friend's cheek and walking towards the tall blonde man.

Elena watched her get close to him and talk for a few seconds before he smiled back at her and concentrated his entire attention on her, it always marveled Elena the way her friend could have people eating from the palm of her hand within seconds.

Elena ordered another drink and sipped quietly while watching the party around her, Caroline was now in a far away corner with Niklaus, everyone else seemed to be just having fun. Elena found herself being jealous of them because she couldn't enjoy things like that anymore; she had a great time tonight with Caroline but still always at the back of her mind was that pain, the pain he left.

She let out a sigh and started walking towards the bathroom, she felt so angry with herself, she shouldn't let a man control her life like this, what was wrong her? She couldn't be this woman anymore, she just couldn't.

She felt a pair of arms grab her from behind and push her into a dark corner near the bathroom; she was ten seconds from screaming when she was met with his blue eyes. "I was wondering when I could get you alone." His voice was like velvet against her skin and she felt herself turning into jelly at the sound.

"What do you want?" her voice was cold and detached, this time she would make her best effort in not giving up, it wouldn't happen again this time.

"I just wanted to know how you are, it's been a while." He purred into her ear.

"Please, I just saw you three weeks ago." She muttered, doing her best to control herself. She should have known that he would be here; after all he did have a great reputation among the NY society. But seriously three weeks here and she'd already met him twice, in a big city like this. What were the odds?

"Elena you're hurting my feelings." He took a hand to his chest in a dramatic manner. "It's almost as if you don't want to see me."

"Well I don't." She fixated a fake smile onto her face. "If you're smart you should have figured that out yourself by now."

"So aggressive." He murmured while leaning into her, invading her personal space.

"Leave me alone Damon." She said through gritted teeth while placing her hand on his chest to stop him from coming closer.

"I can't." He said softly and Elena wasn't sure about the emotion behind his blue eyes, it almost seemed like despair. "Especially with the way you look tonight." He softly ran a finger from the base of her neck to her hip. "You're the most beautiful woman here tonight." He leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on the edge of her mouth.

"Damon, please." She breathed out close to his mouth.

"Shh..." He murmured before taking her lips in a soft kiss. Her hands went to his hair on pure instinct while he placed their bodies together. She could feel his tongue caressing her bottom lip so she opened her mouth to him without a second thought.

He pushed her further into the corner, her back hitting the wall behind her while he pressed his hips against her, Elena almost moaned at the sensation. It had been too long since her body was worshiped by this man.

Damon started tracing circles on her back and she could feel the dampness between her legs grow with each stroke of his tongue against her, his erection against her was a reminder that he desired her too, just like she did.

It felt like hours had passed, her body in pure bliss before he stopped and the loss of his body against hers was almost unbearable.

"Uhmm." He purred softly.

"What was that about?" she murmured trying to catch her breath.

"That was a reminder." His blue eyes turned cold while looking deeply at her. "That I can take what's mine whenever and wherever I want." Elena felt her heart crushing and the blood boiling in her veins and the next thing she realized was that her hand had smacked him across the cheek.

"How dare you?!"

"Ouch." He rubbed his cheek softly while a playful smirk appeared on his face. "Dangerous girl." He murmured more to himself.

"Don't talk about me as if I'm property Damon!" Her brown eyes were blazing with fury at his actions.

"You're not." He stated simply. "You're a person, and you're mine."

"No, I'm not." She said through gritted teeth.

"Yes you are and the sooner you realize this, the better." He leaned closer and whispered into her ear. "I own you Elena." He pressed a forceful kiss to her lips before walking away and disappearing into the party.

Elena stood there against the wall, not being able to move just yet. She felt humiliated, she let him kiss her, touch her and once again he managed to destroy her in a matter of minutes. That bastard!

In that moment she wished they had never met. Damon was definitely not the man she used to know, and probably he would never be that man again.

* * *

"_Elena give that to me__!__" __he__ shouted while she ran around the living room with the remote__._

"_No way!" __she__ said with a smile as she ran to the kitchen__._

"_I'm not joking__.__" _

"_Damon, in twenty minutes the season finale of Gilmore Girls will be on and I have to watch it__.__" She pleaded with him when he __cornered__ her against the fridge__._

"_Oh you're such a girl__.__" _

"_Duh__,__ I'm a girl__.__"_

"_But I have to watch the game__.__" He said in a quiet voice while leaning closer to her__._

"_But we saw your stupid movie last night, it's my turn__.__" She whined like a little girl and he had to suppress his laughter at her actions__._

_Their parents had gone on __a vacation__ together and they __had__ left Jeremy and Elena __under__ his watch, not like he could control a sixteen year old girl but Elena was a good girl, __quite__ easy to take care __of._

"_Please Damon, please__.__" She pouted while fisting her hand into his shirt__.__ "Please, pleaseee__!__" _

"_Fine__.__" He let out a defeated sigh__._

"_Yes!" __her__ eyes lit up immediately and __she__ placed a soft kiss to his cheek before running back to the living room__._

_Damon just stood __there__ in the kitchen, confused at what __he'd__ just felt. The skin of his cheek still tingling __from__ the feel of her lips, this girl was getting deeper into his heart every day. _

He woke up exhausted, his forehead covered in sweat and his heart beating furiously. Another dream, another memory… about her.

He had managed to keep her out of his mind pretty well for the last four years, he barely thought about her, well that wasn't entirely truth, she was always there at the back of his mind, looking at him with disdain every time he fucked a girl, disappointed when he took a step closer to being like his father, loving every time he felt lonely, she was always there.

But since she'd returned he couldn't stop the dreams, the memories of how everything used to be back then, before everything got so messed up.

He had been a total dick tonight, he knew that. And in some sick and twisted way, he loved it. He loved watching her squirm in front of him, the pained look in her eyes; he wanted to hurt her and to love her at the same time.

He saw the sun sneaking through his curtains and turned to the clock on his bedside table, it was already 7 am, he had fallen asleep again, because of those stupid dreams. He got up and took a shower, a cold one because just thinking about her always left him in an aroused state.

He was about to leave for work when he remembered something Stefan said, she had been having trouble at getting an interview at Vogue, that was her dream since she was ten, he wanted to hurt her but he didn't want to see her dream crumble down and he knew how much that meant for her.

He took his phone out and dialed Andie his personal assistant. "Hello Andie." He answered in a playful manner to the girl on the other side of the phone, after all she had satisfied him a few times during the years. "Can you get me in touch with Mr. Smith, yes right now please."

After all Elijah did owe him a few favors and he was planning to collect.

.

_Did you forget all about those golden nights? _

_All of our plans have fallen through Sometimes a dream, it don't come true_


	3. Borrowed Time

**Thank You thank you to everyone reading. **

**You guys are the best! I wish you all a great week**

**Love,**

**Sam**

* * *

'_In staring down death every day, we're forced to know that life, every minute, is borrowed time._ _And each person we let ourselves care about is just one more loss somewhere down the line_.'

**Grey's Anatomy 5x18**

.

.

"_She left__.__" The hurt __in__ his voice pierced __through__ every layer of Elena's heart. To see him reduced to this was killing her._

"_I'm sorry__.__" She murmured unable to say something else. She didn't know what to say to make him feel better, to make him feel worthy__._

"_I love her, I really do love her Lena__.__" His voice __broke__ down at the end of the sentence and she took hold of his hand, squeezing it __hard._

"_I know you do Damon__.__" Even though it pained her, she accepted reality __a__ long __time__ ago. Damon didn't see her the way she wanted __him to__, __to__ him she was like a little sister but he could never look at her as a woman. Damon was in love with Katherine Pierce__.__ "Maybe she'll come back__.__" She tried to comfort him__._

"_No she won't. She made that very clear__.__" He pressed his head against the giant tree behind him. They were currently __in__ the backyard of the Gilbert house, the place where they first __met._

"_Do you regret it?" Elena murmured under her breath, scared to hear his answer. Katherine had given Damon __an__ ultimatum, Elena or her? Quite __simple__ actually. She sensed Elena as threat and didn't __hesitate__to make__ Damon know that, the woman was cold __like__ that. Sometimes she __wondered__ what Damon saw in her._

_Elena __thought__ she was being stupid, letting Damon go for something like __that when__ it was very clear that he was madly in love with her. But Katherine made him choose anyway._

"_Of course not you dumbass__.__" He snorted and pulled her to him, her head resting against his chest and her arms hugging him from the middle__.__ "You're my arm, my leg, my head, my everything__.__" He whispered sweetly against her head__.__ "I love her, I really do. But I can learn how to live without her__.__" His arms tightened around her almost to __the __point of being painful__.__ "You on the other hand, I wouldn't last a week without you__.__" Elena felt her heart swell at his answer, it didn't matter if he could never love her the way he loved Katherine, what they shared was something more special__.__ "I could never live without you Lena__.__" _

It was amazing how things could change so easily, a few years ago she and Damon were part of the same body, couldn't be away from each other and now? Now she didn't even know who he was anymore. Since her return every memory of him was coming back to her like a bomb, she wished there was a way to erase them all, to wipe him clean from her head.

When she was a little girl she loved running around, feeling the wind hit her on the face, her loins stretching with every step she took, the thrill of it all. It made her feel free, as if she was a bird and maybe after all that running she could rise and fly away.

Right now she needed to clear her head, she needed to feel that thrill again and that sense of freedom she used to get back then, she needed to pull herself together again. Elena wasn't the same girl she was four years ago when he left her but somehow in Paris she managed to hold everything in place, managed to suffer in silence but still stand in one piece, but here, here she was slowly crumbling down. He was everywhere she looked and no matter how hard she tried to stay away from him he always came back.

Her entire body burned with rage every time she remembered the party last weekend, how she let him touch her, kiss her, how she surrendered to him so easily. She hadn't said a word to Caroline knowing that the blonde would beat the crap out of Damon and lecture her for the next fifty years.

So here she was, jogging in Central Park while trying to erase every memory and feeling for him, as if with every step she could wipe away every cell of the burning love she still felt for him. Elena was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't see the man running towards her until their bodies collided and she found herself lying on the floor.

"What the hell." She muttered while rubbing the side of her head lightly.

"I'm so sorry." She heard the voice of a man next to her and she lifted her head to see a beautiful young man staring down at her. "I was distracted, I didn't see you." He leaned down and offered her his hand which she accepted immediately.

"It's okay, I'm fine." She said while getting up but flinched a bit when she pressed her right foot on the floor.

"Oh damn, I hurt you." He muttered under his breath with a very attractive accent, Australian? British maybe?

"No, it's okay. Really I'm just fine." Elena said with a shy smile.

"Your ankle is swollen but I don't think it's a fracture." He murmured more to himself than her and Elena stared at him confusedly. "Oh I'm a doctor." He said the minute he saw the way that Elena was staring at him. "Kol Hastings." He extended his hand and Elena shook it lightly.

"I'm Elena, nice to meet you."

"Look Elena, how about I take you to your house and you let me examine you?" there was true concern in his voice.

"Oh I brought my car, don't worry I can get home just fine."

"I insist, this is my fault after all." He said with a sweet smile and Elena found herself liking this guy. "Well what about if I take you to your car and examine you there? I just wanna make sure that you're okay."

"Well that seems like a reasonable deal." Elena answered while smiling at him and felt a small blush creep to her face when he smiled back at her.

Despite her protests Kol took her in his arms saying that he didn't want her to walk and maybe hurt herself more, he wanted to check on her first but Elena had the sense that it was just a pretest. And she found herself not caring; it felt good to be in his arms.

Maybe this was some kind of sign, maybe it was time to move on.

* * *

"So are you seriously going out with this guy?" Caroline asked with a smirk while they were setting the table in Elena's apartment. Tonight Stefan and Rebekah would make their first appearance as an engaged couple and Caroline couldn't let that one slip.

"Yes I already told you that I'm going out with him." Elena muttered under her breath for the 100th time that night. Was it really so hard to believe that she was having a date? It had been a week since her encounter with Kol at the park, they had been talking during that week and he finally asked her out yesterday. Elena felt like it was time to move on.

"We so have to pick out your clothes, what are we going to do with your hair, and-"

"Caroline stop, it's not like I've never been out on a date before." Elena said with a roll of her eyes.

"Well not in a while."

"It's not a big deal seriously, we're just hanging out." The corners of Elena's mouth turned up in a smile, a sign that Caroline saw very clearly.

"So you don't like this guy?"

"Well I do like him but-"

"You don't think he's extremely hot?" the blonde girl said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well he is pretty handsome-"

"Oh please don't play dumb with me, you really like this guy." The happiness on Caroline's face wasn't something that you could ignore at this moment.

"Oh and what about you and the party guy?" Elena changed the subject immediately, knowing that Caroline could ramble about herself for hours.

"Klaus, Elena."

"Oh it's Klaus now." The brunette said in a sarcastic manner.

"Of course, and we're going out again on Friday." Caroline said with a proud smile on her face. Elena felt really happy for her, she knew that her friend had never really gotten over Matt and seeing her so interested in a guy again was awesome.

"Seems like we're turning our luck around Care." Elena said with a hint of a smile while looking at her reflection in the big window and smoothing down her dress.

"Speaking about luck…" Caroline said in that tone she used when they were little and her mother had bought her a new doll to show around to all the girls in the school.

"What?" Elena turned around to meet the gleeful eyes of her friend.

"They called this morning from Mr. Smith's office."

"And?"

"You've got an interview next week." Caroline said with a brilliant smile on her face and Elena couldn't do anything other than scream and start dancing around the room like a little girl.

"Oh my god, oh my god!" Elena kept jumping and dancing around the whole living room, still unable to believe what was happening to her. "How did this happen? I can't believe it." It was as if finally life was smiling back at her.

"You see, I told you everything would work out." Caroline said with a bright smile before they heard a knock on the door. "That's probably our happy couple." The blonde girl said clapping her hands softly. "Tonight is going to be a really good night."

Both of the girls went to the door to reveal a very happy Stefan Salvatore holding the hand of his high school sweetheart, Stefan had met Rebekah at the age of fifteen, she moved from Sidney because her father was transfered to NY. He could still remember the first day he saw her wandering the halls of the high school. Rebekah instantly became friends with Elena, Caroline and Bonnie but Stefan kept his love for her hidden during one long year, fearing the rejection.

Eventually the girls decided that it was enough and didn't want to see Stefan suffer so they played matchmaker and it turned out that Rebekah had been in love with him since the first moment too. Since then they had become inseparable, they were the only thing that kept Elena thinking that love does exist, they always gave her hope.

And here they were, many years later, they were finally going to complete the love that they shared.

"Show me, show me!" Caroline chirped excitedly the minute Rebekah was inside of the apartment.

"It's so beautiful." Rebekah said with a dreamy face and then smiled, showing all of her teeth while extending her left hand so the girls could admire the ring on her finger.

"Oh God it's so perfect." Elena said under her breath. The jewel was stunning; it was a square cut diamond of a light rosy color on top of a silver band. It was simple but extraordinary at the same time; the ring belonged on that girl's finger.

"Oh it's so perfect, so perfect." Caroline said linking her arm with Elena's and resting her head against her shoulder with a dreamy expression.

"Yeah it is." Rebekah murmured with a smile and looked to the side to stare into Stefan's eyes which looked at her adoringly, the love that these two shared was palpable. "Now, please tell us what were you guys so happy about when you opened the door?"

"Well our little Elena here got an interview at Vogue." Caroline said proudly.

"Oh my gosh no way!" Rebekah said breathlessly. "This is so cool, you're gonna work at Vogue now, and you'll be invited to all of those amazing parties." The eyes of the blonde girl glowed with happiness. "Please, you have to take us to them."

"I know right!" Caroline said just as excitedly.

"Guys I don't even have the job yet."

"Oh please, I'm sure you'll get it. And I'll be here to go to all of those parties, don't you forget it." Rebekah said with a smile and linked her arms with her fiancée who had the ghost of a smile on his face, he knew he was doing the right thing when he let that little detail slip in his talk with Damon. His brother had his contacts and this proved to Stefan that the old Damon was somewhere inside of him, that he still loved Elena like he did years ago.

"We'll see what happens." Elena said with a shy smile. "Now, tell us how did he propose?" of course they already knew the main idea but the details were always the best.

"You're not gonna believe what song he used for the background." Rebekah said while walking towards the living room with Stefan next to her.

"Love Bug." Caroline tried to guess while they all took a seat in the living room.

"Why would I use a Jonas Brothers song?" Stefan said with a roll of his eyes.

"Take my breath away?" now it was time for Elena to guess.

"Nope, he used All This Time by One republic."

"Awww." Both girls said in unison and looked at Stefan as if he was Romeo or something, he couldn't help but blush a little, after all he wasn't very good at the whole expression of feelings thing.

They continued going through the details of the proposal and making fun of Stefan at the same time as if there was no other care in the world, they were enjoying the time they had with the people they loved. After all that's what life should be about, why waste time arguing and worrying about stupid things when everything could be taken away from you in a matter of minutes, Elena learned that the hard way, with the loss of her parents, with the loss of Damon.

She could still remember being like this in her childhood house with all of her friends in the living room, her and Damon curled up together on the green couch while everyone else made jokes and fooled around, and there was no more amazing feeling than that one, being with the people she loved. Being with him.

So she let herself enjoy this moment, not knowing about the storm that was waiting just around the corner.

* * *

Damn girl, she had been here for a few weeks and had already managed to turn his world upside down. Tonight he let go a very much willing girl to go and drink himself crazy at The Grill, because every time he kissed her the only thing he could see was Elena's face and he just couldn't continue that way.

With every sip of his bourbon he felt the dulling ache in his heart fade away, he wanted to be numb again, like he had been for the last four years. Not feeling anything was better than feeling everything all the time, he wanted to stop thinking about her.

"You're not going to get anything by drinking yourself stupid like this." Ric said while taking a seat next to him at the bar.

"Look who's talking." Damon answered sardonically. Ric was the only friend he had now; he always put up with all the crap going around in his life and didn't hesitate to tell him when he was being a dick, which was most of the time.

"I think you need help Damon." Ric said before ordering a whole bottle of bourbon to drink with his friend.

"Me? Help?" Damon snorted annoyingly.

"Your life is spiralling down." The blonde man said while popping open the bottle the bartender placed in front of him.

"Have you seen my life? It's perfect! There's nothing wrong with it." Damon said with a roll of his eyes while refilling his now empty glass.

"Yeah right." Alaric muttered before taking the glass to his lips and drinking softly. "That's why you can't even do the girl a favor without it being a secret."

"What are you talking about?" the dark haired man said with a frown.

"The interview with Elijah, I know you got that for Elena"

"How did you-"

"I know things Damon." Alaric said while looking deeply at him. "And you know why you did that?"

"Because I can."

"No, because you care."

"Whatever." Damon muttered under his breath and kept drinking in silence. He hated feeling this way, this vulnerable. He was fucking Damon Salvatore, girls threw themselves at him, men envied him, people feared him, when he was having a bad day everyone ran in the other direction not wanting to be the object of his anger. How come one single petite girl managed to make him feel this way?

Alaric didn't say anything else for the next hour, he just sat there next to him and drank his booze, he knew that Damon was not a man you should push, but he hated seeing him throw away his life in the garbage, he was his best friend and he cared about him. He had seen Damon build this stone wall around his heart, put up all his walls trying to protect himself, but he feared that Damon was losing touch with his humanity, that he had hidden away his heart so deep that it would be impossible to get it back.

The bottle of bourbon next to him was almost empty when he heard her, for a minute he thought he was hallucinating; it wouldn't be strange to him, after all his dreams were getting more vivid with each passing night. He turned his head around and saw that he wasn't hallucinating, there she was, all legs and hair, beautiful as ever.

A tall brunette man had his arm around her waist as he guided her towards a table in the back, that man was touching his girl. The worst thing was that she seemed happy, she was laughing and batting those long eyelashes at him, she was actually enjoying herself. Damon turned around not wanting to be spotted by her and ordered himself another drink before looking around to see her one last time, he just couldn't help himself.

"Are you just going to sit there and stare at her like a creep the whole night?" Alaric whispered.

"Yes."

"You're pathetic." He muttered before pulling out some cash and handing it to Damon. "I'm out of here, I'm not allowing this shit to happen in front of me." Those were his last words before he disappeared into the crowd.

Damon didn't know how long he was there, he watched them discretely the whole night, drink after drink unable to move. He watched her flirt, smile, give him looks that were reserved only for him. And when they finally left he couldn't help but follow them, he needed to know if he would spend the night with her, he needed to know.

He thanked the Gods when he saw her entering her building alone, he wasn't staying. The bastard didn't even walk her to her apartment. He immediately climbed out of his car and ran into the building as fast as he could, using the stairs instead of the elevator. He needed to get to her.

"Who was that?" Elena heard his voice the minute she inserted the key in the lock.

"A friend." She murmured not even turning around to look at him.

"Well he seemed a bit too friendly to me."

"Did you follow me?" she asked annoyed and turned around to meet his glossy blue eyes.

"It was a coincidence."

"Just go Damon." She muttered before opening the door and walking into her apartment, she was about to close to the door when he pushed it open and walked inside. "Of course you can come in." She said sarcastically.

"It's just like I remembered." He whispered more to himself than to her while he looked around the apartment.

"Damon you're drunk, I really think you should leave." Elena said not wanting to succumb to him this time.

"Are you going to date him?" he asked choosing to ignore her request.

"What do you care?!" Elena yelled at him the anger getting the best of her.

"I care because you are mine Elena." He said in a rough voice pressing her against the cold glass window.

"I am not yours Damon stop saying that!" Elena shouted in exasperation. "Why are you doing this to me?" she asked almost on the verge of tears. "You broke up with me Damon, you whored your way through the entire city and then you broke up with me!" she shouted while pointing her finger furiously against his chest. "You, you said you never wanted to see me again, you sent me away and now you're stalking me, what is that about?! Can't you just leave me ALONE?!"

"No I can't!" he shouted back at her and for a minute Elena was afraid of him. "Don't you think I'm fucking trying? But everywhere I go you're there! I want you out of my head, out of my life but I just FUCKING CAN'T!" he placed both of his hands on top of the window on each side of Elena's face. "I just can't." He whispered next to her lips before taking them into a passionate kiss.

Elena fought him off for about a minute before surrendering to his mouth, her hands tangling into his messy dark hair while his went inside her blue dress, she could feel him stroking her backside and pressing her to his erection, the feel of his body against her was so deliciously indescribable.

Her tongue danced with his as her hands unbuttoned his shirt, eager to feel his muscles ripple under her palms, his mouth left hers only to start placing kisses on the long column of her neck, making her tremble with delight. She felt his hands slowly drag her panties down her legs and she willingly stepped out of them. Damon pressed her even harder against the cold window, her dress now completely bunched around her waist and she thanked God that she lived in one of the last floors or the entire city would have seen her backside by now.

"It was killing me." He murmured into her ear. "To think that he could touch you, to imagine you spending the night with him." Elena couldn't answer, for the life of her she couldn't even form a coherent sentence, all she could do was whimper in return. "He can't have you, he just can't." He took possession of her mouth again as he lifted her by her rear and made her circle his waist with her legs, her naked flesh touching his stomach as her hands danced all around his naked back.

"You're mine Elena, you're all mine." He murmured huskily against her mouth before placing her on the couch. "I need to be inside you again." He whispered against her ear while his hands touched the soft flesh of her pussy making her tremble in his arms. "Do you remember how good it felt?"

"Oh God Damon!" she moaned when he started to circle her clit with his expert fingers. He kissed her once again and she responded to him as if life depended on it. "Damon, oh God, oh, oh!" she threw her head back and moaned in pure bliss as her orgasm ripped through her, stars were dancing behind her closed eyelids and Damon swore he'd never seen anything more perfect in his entire life.

"You are beautiful." He stated before kissing her softly this time as her hands went to work on the buttons of his jeans. "Don't answer." He murmured when they heard the phone ringing on the table next to the couch they were on.

"I have to." She panted breathlessly as he placed kisses on her naked chest.

"No you don't." He whispered huskily.

"Yes I do." She said when she realized the phone wasn't stopping anytime soon.

"Damn it." Damon muttered when she got up and put her dress on again before answering the phone.

He couldn't believe what had just happened, he was about to be inside of her again, the mere thought made his jeans even tighter than they were.

"Oh my God." He heard Elena say breathlessly and he turned his head to look at her worried eyes. "I'll be there in a minute."

"What is it?" he asked getting up from the couch and walking towards her.

"Stefan and Rebekah had an accident."


	4. I will try to Fix You

_Hey :) I'm back, thanks a lot to everyone reading this, I'm really happy with the response this story is getting, you guys are the best, seriously. _

_Hope you enjoy this one, I'm really anxious to know what you think of it, so please leave me a review. _

_At the begining of the story I really had no idea of where I was going to take it, but now things are slowly shaping into my head lol I really hope you like the direction of it._

_As always thank you to my awsome beta Amy (xxxMrsSalvatorexxx) for heping me out with this._

_The song I used for this chapter was FIX YOU by ColdPlay (A masterpiece and one of my favorites songs of all times)_

_Hope you guys have an amazing week_

_Love,_

_Sam_

* * *

**_And the tears come streaming down your face__  
__When you lose something you can't replace__  
__When you love someone, but it goes to waste__  
__Could it be worse?_**

_._

Minutes. It took them less than ten minutes to arrive at the hospital but for Damon it felt like hours. 'Rebekah and Stefan had an accident, its bad' those were the only words Caroline had told them before they rushed outside and started driving towards the hospital. He could feel his body starting to shake as droplets of sweat started to appear on his forehead. He was more awake than ever, the previous stupor of the alcohol had completely left his body.

"Are you all right?" Elena asked him in a soft voice the minute he stepped outside the car. He should be rushing inside the hospital, he should go and make sure that his brother was all right but for the life of him he just couldn't move. "Damon." He could hear Elena's voice but suddenly his vision got blurry, he couldn't see her.

"I… I can't." He muttered while he felt his chest constrict, the air wasn't enough; there was not enough air for him to breathe.

"Damon!" Elena shouted a little more loudly and he felt her tiny hand pressing against his cheek. "He's going to be okay." Her voice was soothing but that didn't stop him from worrying. He hated this; he hated not being in control of his own body, it had been nearly three years since the last episode... and now it was back.

"I can't breathe." He choked out and pressed his eyes shut before Elena took his shaking hands and squeezed them tightly.

"Damon listen to me, this is just a panic attack." Her right hand stroked his hair softly. "We've been through this before baby you just need to relax." The sound of her voice and the touch of her skin seemed to calm him a bit but he still couldn't stop shaking. "Calm down, just breathe Damon, remember?" he opened his eyes and stared into her big brown orbs. "In and out Damon, come on, everything will be fine, he's going to be okay."

"Yes." Was the only word he seemed to be able to form. "Yes." After a few more minutes of her soft touches and the sound of her sweet words the fear left his body, he was able to breathe again and it didn't feel like the world was closing in on him anymore.

"Are you all right?" Elena asked in a worried voice.

"I'm fine now." He murmured softly. "Thank you." He whispered before stroking her cheek softly. "We should go inside."

They walked as fast as their legs could carry them, they spotted Caroline first, her cheeks were covered in tears and her eyes were red and swollen, she was pacing the hall anxiously while Bonnie was sitting with her face between her hands, sobbing softly. They were the only ones there since the guys had gone on a fishing trip, Rebekah had been feeling sick so Stefan bailed on them, and stayed home to take care of her.

"What happened?" Elena asked the minute they reached their friends.

"Drunk driver, they didn't see him…they…" Caroline threw herself into Elena's arms and started crying freely.

"Bonnie what happened?" Damon asked while getting closer to the brunette girl. "Bonnie!" he shouted when she didn't respond to him.

"He's fine," she said in a strangled whisper. "A broken arm and a few bruises... but… she's dead." Bonnie said before starting to sob once again.

Damon felt the air leave his lungs again, his world started spinning until he felt Elena's hand grasping his tightly while Caroline was still attached to the other side of her. He was conscious of Elena's sobs and her hand gripping his but nothing else seemed real to him, this wasn't supposed to happen, they were getting married, Stefan told him that, this didn't make any sense.

"Dead?" he asked in a mere whisper.

"Yes, dead Damon!" Caroline shouted at him while releasing Elena. "So please care! Care Damon!" her words were coming out between sobs and he could see her body shaking from the force of it. "I know that we're supposed to hate each other after all that has happened but she used to be your friend, so please just care Damon."

"I care all right, I care!" he cried while the tears started to appear in his eyes. "Of course I do." The next thing he was aware of was Elena clinging to him, her perfume soaking his senses so he hugged her back and held her tightly against his body, her tears soaking his shirt and his were dripping into her hair.

"What is he doing here?!" after a few minutes he heard the voice of his little brother and looked up to see him. There were a few bruises on his face and a big cut on his forehead, his arm was in a sling but that was it, he was fine, his brother was fine.

"Stefan I-"

"Get out! I want you out!" he shouted while tears streamed down his face.

"Stefan, he just wants to help." Caroline said in a soft voice.

"I don't care." The youngest Salvatore brother took a few steps to stand in front of Damon who had already released Elena by now. "Don't pretend that it actually matters to you, that you actually care about her death."

"Stefan please-"

"Don't say another word!" he spat close to his face. "You never cared for her, or me or them, you only care about yourself Damon."

"You know what, I think you need to relax." Damon said in a soft voice.

"What I need is for you to leave."

"Okay, if that's what you want, I'll leave." He spoke quietly before turning around and walking towards the elevator. The last thing he wanted was to cause more pain to Stefan; he knew that this was going to be really hard for him.

"Damon wait!" he heard Elena's voice calling him and he turned around to see her walking towards him. "You just have to wait for him to come around, he's confused and-"

"Shh..." He pressed a finger against her lips. "It's okay Elena, I get it." The elevator doors opened and he pressed a kiss to her forehead before disappearing behind them.

.

_Tears stream down your face__  
__When you lose something you cannot replace__  
__Tears stream down your face__  
__I promise you I will learn from my mistakes__  
__Tears stream down your face__  
__And I..._

_._

_She couldn't remember feeling this heartbroken, this lonely. Her body felt cold despite the clothes she had on, her feet felt glued to the floor, her body heavy, she couldn't move. There was not a single tear __on__ her face, she couldn't cry. Her family needed her complete, Jeremy needed her strong. _

_As Elena watched the coffins slowly go down to the ground she realized that there was no pain that could ever compare to this one, losing someone you love. No one should ever go __through__ something like this; the pain was just too much._

_Her eyes lifted for a few moments and were fixated on her little brother, Jeremy was in a far corner, he was holding Jenna who just couldn't stop crying, he was trying to be strong, he was the man of the house now__. He__ was trying to hide his pain but __he__ was broken inside, he was just a kid after all, he __wasn't meant__ to be the strong one._

_Her eyes danced across the graveyard in dizziness and __she __saw Caroline clinging to Matt while the tears softly streamed down her face, Caroline's mom was always working and her dad didn't live here, so most of the time she was more __a __part of Elena's family than hers, tonight she lost someone she loved too. _

_Stefan and Rebekah were holding each other next to Caroline and Matt, this day was hard on everyone, Grayson and Miranda were people everyone loved and watching them go like this was beyond painful. Elena's eyes met briefly with Rebekah's and she could see the compassion and the understanding __in__ the blonde's eyes, Rebekah had grown to be a sister __to__ Elena too, so she also knew how hard this was for her. _

_Bonnie was next to her holding tightly __to__ the hand of her grams, she was scared, Bonnie never knew her mother, she left when she was a little girl but Elena knew that right know she was wondering what would be of her if her grandmother died, she knew that everyone here __was__ wondering the exact same thing, what would they do without their loved ones__?_

_Elena felt cold, numb, and empty, she wanted nothing more than to go running and never come back, never feel this pain again. Those thoughts were wandering __around __her mind when she felt it, a warm hand slipping into hers, holding her tightly. She didn't even __need__ to look up to know who the hand belonged to__.__ "Everything is going to be okay Lena__.__" His __soothing__ voice warmed her __insides.__ "I promise you__.__" She __lifted__ her eyes and stared into his blue gaze__._

"_Are you sure?" __she__ said in a strained whisper, she looked even smaller than she was, she was just a kid, a kid who lost her parents __too__ soon._

"_Of course__.__" He let go of her hand and embraced her instead, her body completely clinging to his__.__ "I'm going to take care of you__.__" He murmured against her ear__.__ "I'll always take care of you__.__" He pressed soft kisses against her forehead while tears rolled down her cheeks, she couldn't hold it __in__ anymore. He was here with her, he would protect her. So it was safe to break down now, he was here and nothing bad was going to happen._

Elena opened her eyes and let them adjust to the light slowly, her head was throbbing and she could feel fresh tears in her eyes. She had been dreaming about her parents death, it had been so real, she used to have them when she was a little girl, dreams that seemed so real that when she woke up she didn't know what to believe.

And then she remembered. Rebekah was dead; she was dead, just like her parents. Elena slowly sat up and pressed her back into the arm of the couch, she was in Bonnie and Caroline's apartment, they came here after the funeral and she just fell asleep on the couch, she was so emotionally drained that she felt like she could sleep forever.

"You're awake." She heard Bonnie's voice and turned her head to see her walking towards her with a cup in her hand. "Here." She handed her the cup with hot tea inside. "It helps me calm down."

"Thanks." Elena whispered softly and took her legs to her chest so Bonnie could sit next to her. "Where's everyone?"

"Matt went home with April and Caroline went food shopping with Jeremy and Tyler." Bonnie closed her eyes briefly as if forcing the tears to disappear. "No one wants to be alone right now."

"I know, I've got that feeling." Elena murmured before sipping her tea. "Where's Stefan?"

"We don't know, he disappeared after the funeral and we don't know-" Bonnie let out a sob and Elena immediately placed her hand on top of her friend's. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I know, I know." Elena answered while letting her own tears spill from her eyes. "It shouldn't be this way."

"We don't know where Damon is either." Bonnie said in a soft voice. She had noticed, Elena and Damon arrived together at the hospital, that wasn't a coincidence and even though she didn't like the person Damon had become, this tragedy linked them all together somehow again.

"This is hard on everyone." Elena murmured. Damon had been at the funeral but he didn't talk to anyone, she knew that he didn't want to disturb Stefan after what happened in the hospital, she had wanted to talk with him, comfort him, have him comforting her but he disappeared the minute it was over, he was gone once again. "I think I need to take a shower." Elena said under her breath, Bonnie only nodded. Everything was so surreal, they didn't know what to say, how to act, and nothing felt real.

Elena got up and locked herself in the bathroom, once the water started hitting the floor she let the sobs take over her body, she was grieving, for Rebekah, for her parents, for Damon, for all of this, because it wasn't supposed to be like this.

.

_Lights will guide you home.__  
__And ignite your bones.__  
__And I will try to fix you_

_._

"I must say that I wasn't expecting to find you here." Damon said in a mocking voice when he entered the parlor. Stefan was next to the drinking cart in their childhood house. "I actually thought you would be lying on your bathroom floor." He teased him making a remark about his taste for Grey's Anatomy.

"Go fuck yourself Damon." Stefan muttered under his breath while taking a long sip from the bottle of scotch in his hands.

"Why would I do that? When there are so many eager women to do it." Stefan snorted at his brother's comment and threw him a nasty look.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I was checking on you." He stated simply. When Caroline had called him and told him that Stefan was missing he had gone mad, his brother was in a bad shape and he didn't even want to think about what he could possibly do in the state he was in.

"Well I'm fine, you can go now."

"You are hurting my feelings brother." Damon said in a dramatic manner before sitting on the couch.

"I'm serious Damon, GO!" Stefan's eyes were blazing with fury and pain.

"I can't do that brother." He murmured, Stefan rolled his eyes and drank from his bottle once again.

"What do you care? You don't care about any of us anymore." Stefan reproached him.

"You know that's not true Stefan." Damon said in a hard voice. "You know I cared about her and… I knew she was going to make you happy." His voice cracked at the end of the sentence and Stefan felt emotion choke in his throat.

"Whatever." He whispered and once again drank from his bottle. Damon felt exasperated with him, so this was what Ric had to put up with every weekend while dealing with him?

"You know that's not going to do you any good." Damon said pointing to the bottle he was currently holding as if it was the last lifejacket on the titanic.

"That doesn't stop you." The youngest Salvatore brother said sardonically.

"Yeah but I'm a dick, you're not."

"Maybe I am too."

"No you're not. You don't need that Stefan, you have a lot of people worrying for you out there." Damon's voice was soft and soothing and it reminded Stefan of when they were little kids, when he always got in trouble and Damon always got him out of it.

"You know those same people worry for you too." Stefan's hazel eyes met Damon's blue ones across the room. "You just push them away."

"And you wanna do that?" Damon asked with a frown. "You want to be me? Want to be our father?"

"You're not our father Damon." Stefan said in a soft voice.

"I'm more like him than you think Stef." Damon answered absently. "But that's not my point, you've got to let them take care of you, you can't isolate yourself."

"I don't know what to do, how to act, I don't know anything anymore." Stefan said in a low voice, his gaze was lost and his hand slowly placed the bottle back on the cart "I just feel stuck, like everything else is spinning around me and I just can't move" The younger brother said with despair on his voice

"I know this is hard Stefan but you'll get through this." Damon got up from the couch and started walking towards his brother.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this Damon." Stefan's troubled eyes looked deeply at his brother. "We were going to get married and live a happy long life together, have three or four children, grow old together and play with our grandchildren on our porch, this wasn't supposed to happen." Stefan broke down in tears unable to hold it in for one more minute.

"I know Stefan, none of this should have happened."

"I miss her." Stefan cried grasping Damon's shirt in his hand. "I miss her so much Damon, it's like I can't breathe" Damon took him in a strong embrace and let him cry against him. His tears soaked his neck and his hand grasped him tightly. He needed to let it all out, to grieve for the loss of the love of his life "I can't breathe without her"

Stefan needed him right now and he was a jerk most of the time but he could never abandon his baby brother, he was right, things weren't supposed to be like this. In that moment Damon realized that he couldn't let Elena in again, right now he was worried about how she was dealing with all of this, and more than anything he was worried she may die, it was a stupid thought but he realized that life was so fragile, he was scared, scared of everything around him.

He hated to feel this way, this vulnerable, out of control. He swore he would never feel this way again, he was letting Elena in once again and that was a big mistake but he was going to fix it, he had to put distance, space or a wall between him and everyone else again, he couldn't feel that way again, he just couldn't.


	5. When You Were Mine

_Hii :)_

_I really hope you like this chapter, we have some flashbacks in here because i felt we could use some lol _

_Thanks to everyone reading this, you people make my day, always, reading what you have to say is amazing, I can't thank you enough._

_Also thanks to Amy for being an awsome beta_

_Please enjoy :)_

_P.S Hope you have an amazing Valentine's Day! *kisses for everyone*_

_Love,_

_Sam_

* * *

**_Spent the summer, just laying out in the sun_**

**_Time seems to move so slow_**

**_When you're taking it as it comes_**

**_Maybe we were just too young_**

_Here with me –The Killers-_

_._

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since Rebekah died. And for the first time it felt like time was starting to spin again, they couldn't stand still anymore, they needed to move on. Elena opened her eyes that morning and saw the sun shining brightly through her window; she stretched out on the bed before getting up and going through her morning routine.

It was Saturday morning and she needed to catch up on her work, she had the interview at Vogue two weeks ago and she still hadn't had any calls, but she needed to be patient, these things took time. Stefan had made very few public appearances since the accident, he spent most of his time sleeping or just hiding in his apartment, his friends no longer knew what to do to help him.

She hadn't heard from Damon either, he just disappeared after the funeral. Elena made herself a coffee and sat at the table before opening her laptop, after what happened that night when they almost slept together he hadn't even bothered to call. Why was she surprised? She knew he would hurt her again, but this was all her damn fault.

Elena saw an email from her editor in her inbox and opened immediately, apparently there was a party this week and she needed to cover it for the magazine, the party was organized by the Salvatore Corporation…life was a real bitch.

She grabbed her phone and immediately dialed Caroline and Bonnie's apartment number, the blonde girl answered at the third ring. "Wanna go to a party?" Elena asked her friend.

"When?" the blonde answered with a groggy voice, she was probably just waking up, after all Caroline did enjoy her beauty sleep.

"Friday." Elena answered before sipping on her coffee.

"Uhmm I can't."

"Why not?" Elena answered nervously; the last thing she wanted was go to Damon's party alone. Bonnie was travelling on Thursday so she was not going to be able to go with her and Stefan was not an option right now. "Caroline this is Damon's party please, I can't go there on my own."

"You got invited to Damon's party?" Caroline asked with surprise evident in her voice.

"Not really, it's job related," Elena answered softly. "Wait. How do you know about Damon's party?" she asked suspiciously.

"Well actually it's not Damon's party; it's the company's party."

"Yeah whatever, same thing."

"Uhmm well I'm kind of organizing the event." Caroline said trying to be cautious.

"You're what?!" Elena shouted through the phone clearly disturbed with her friend's answer. "So you've been talking to Damon?" in that moment Elena felt betrayed in so many ways.

"Lena relax," Caroline said calmly. "I didn't speak with Damon, his assistant called me and asked me if I could work for them with this party, that was it."

"Why would he call you? I mean, you haven't worked for the Salvatore's in years." Elena said with a frown and rubbed her temples softly, how come every corner she turned he was there? How can she escape him when life is putting them together constantly?

"I don't know, the girl said that this job is important for the company and that they knew I was awesome at my job." Caroline said and Elena could picture her smiling on the other side of the phone. "They're right about that, I mean I kick ass at my job Lena, and well I don't know, maybe we are getting Damon back now." A spark of excitement could be heard in the blonde's voice at the idea of one of her best friends returning to them.

"I wouldn't count on that Caroline." Elena said softly, she was no longer sure that there were many redeeming qualities in Damon, not after what happened between them, but the thing she couldn't explain was how everything turned out this way. Why was Damon this way? What changed that made him turn into this cold man he was now, what made him distance himself from them? What was he afraid of?

.

**_Don't want your memory_**

**_In my head now_**

**_I want you here with me_**

_._

_Elena was angry. She was so damn angry that she could feel her body shaking __from__ the force of it, the annual gala for the Salvatore Corporation was tonight and Damon was taking Vicky Donovan as his date, Vicky __freaking__ Donovan! She loved Matt but __his__ sister was not the best person to be around and Damon was taking her, __of__ all people!_

_It had been a year since Katherine left and everything seemed better, he was no longer sad or __grieving__ for her, actually it had been a while since he last mentioned her and Elena __thought__ that maybe for the first time she had an actual shot __at__ being something more than a friend to him, that was until he invited Vicky to the party and not her._

_Of course she was invited to the party by default just like all the other people in their group of friends, but it really hurt her that he didn't __ask her to be__ his date. Maybe this was her fault, she never __showed__ him any sign that she wanted something more than a __friendly__ relationship, she couldn't stand on the __sideline__ forever and expect him to read her mind right? But how could she be honest with him when she saw the parade of girls going __to__ his bed? How could she compete with all those girls?_

_She arrived __at__ her house and __slammed__ the door __shut__ the minute she walked in, surprisingly Caroline and Bonnie were waiting for her in the living room__.__ "What are you guys doing here?" __she__ asked with __astonishment__in__ her voice__._

"_We came here to see if you already knew what to wear for tonight, Jenna let us in__.__" Explained Caroline with a smile__._

"_Are you okay?" __inquired__ Bonnie with a frown on her __face.__ "You look mad__.__" _

"_I am mad__.__" Elena stated and slumped on the nearest couch next to her friends__.__ "I think I'm in love with Damon__.__"_

"_You think?" Caroline asked with a raised brow and a smile on her lips while Bonnie tried her best not to laugh__._

"_What?" Elena asked staring at her friends__._

"_Honey we already know you are in love with him__.__" Caroline said with a wide smile__._

"_But how do you know?" __the__ brunette asked mortified, she __thought__ it was a secret__._

"_Because we are your best friends and we know you __better__ than anyone, come on you guys can't be away from each other__.__ It's more than obvious that you are terribly in love with each other__.__" Bonnie said softly and Elena was surprised to hear the words her friend said__._

"_But Damon is not in love with me__.__" She said looking down__._

"_Oh please, he may not know it yet but trust me he's in love with you honey__.__" Caroline said with a __gleeful__ expression__._

"_I really don't think so__.__" Elena insisted__._

"_Lena anyone who has spent five minutes with you two can tell that you are in love__,__" Bonnie tried to reason with her__.__ "Why do think Katherine left?"_

"_Because she was insecure__.__"_

"_No, because she realized it even before you two__.__"_

"_That's crazy__,__" Elena said shaking her head lightly__.__ "But if he loves me then why is he taking Vicky to tonight's party?" Elena said looking down and the disappointment __in__ her voice was palpable__._

"_He's what?!" Caroline shouted__._

"_Yeah__.__" Elena murmured under her breath__._

"_Bitch!" __the__ blonde girl said in a whisper__.__ "So Damon wants to play dirty, well __two__ can play that game__.__"_

"_What are you talking about?" Bonnie asked__._

"_Well now we have to get Elena a hot date for tonight__.__" A mischievous gleam appeared __in__ Caroline's eyes__._

"_And how is that __going to help?"__ Elena asked her friend__._

"_Because he's gonna get super jealous and then he'll realize that he's in love with you__.__" _

_Elena was sure that this was a bad idea, there was no way that Damon was in love with her, but when an idea was stuck __in__ Caroline's mind there was no way of getting it out of there, she would go to that damn party tonight and she would prove __to __Damon that she was no longer waiting for him._

_._

**_Your body was tanned and your hair was long_**

**_You showed me your smile and my cares were gone_**

**_Falling in love filled my soul with fright_**

**_You said "Come on babe, it'll be alright"_**

**_I must have been a fool to the bitter end_**

**_Now I hold on to hope to have you back again_**

_._

_He was sick, he was sick of Vicky Donovan. The only thing she was doing tonight was complain about everything around her and talking, she couldn't just stop talking. He was having the __worst__ night of his life, he wanted nothing more than to go with Elena and the other guys but __he was__ currently stuck with Vicky and some of his dad clients, Giuseppe wanted him to get to know __those__ people, in a few months he would start working __at__ the company and it was necessary that he was acquainted with his surroundings._

_When he first __thought__ about tonight he __imagined__ things developing in a very different way, he would go to the party with Vicky, Elena would get super mad and finally would let him know if there was a chance to be something more than just friends, they would kiss and their night would end perfectly, but instead of __that__ he was stuck with this girl and Elena had come here with __that__ idiot Trevor, what she saw __in__ that man was beyond his comprehension. She looked so damn beautiful tonight, her pale blue dressed contrasted __beautifully__ with her skin and she had her hair in curls instead of the straightened look she always wore, she always enchanted him when she had curls. _

_Damon wanted nothing more than to be next to her tonight and __the __idea of Trevor and her was slowly eating him up inside, this night had backfired on him on a huge level._

"_Please excuse me a minute__.__" He murmured and went to wander in the hall; he had no __intention__to__stay__ next to Vicky __for__ one more __minute.__ Yeah he was probably a dick but who cares? Besides she was already flirting with one of his __dad's__ clients so he was sure there would be no trouble with her._

_He went to the bar and __ordered__ himself a drink, he wasn't drunk enough to survive the rest of the night, so he needed to do something about it._

"_Having fun?" __her__ soft and sultry voice had his __insides__ tingling immediately__._

"_Not exactly__.__" He muttered under his breath and turned his head to the side to stare into her brown eyes__.__ "Walk with me__.__" He got up and offered his arm to her, she linked them immediately and they started walking towards the garden__.__ "I saw you have a date tonight__.__" _

"_Yes I do__.__" Elena said while biting her lip__._

"_And so? Is he good to you? Are you going to date him?" __he__ inquired__._

"_Well I don't know__.__" She answered nervously, Caroline got her the date with Trevor but she really didn't __like__ the boy, he was boring as hell! Of course she couldn't let Damon know that__.__ "I'm just getting to know him__.__"_

"_Well I don't like him for you__.__" He said and stared straight into the dark night, his lips pursed into a tight line__._

"_And what about Vicky?"_

"_She's a pain in the ass__.__" He muttered and Elena felt a smile __start__ to creep __onto__ her mouth__.__ "Are you laughing at me Miss Gilbert?" __he__ looked at her doing that eye thing she loved so much__._

"_Of course not, but you know this is your own fault__.__"_

"_My own fault__,__ how's that?"_

"_Well because you __chose__ her as your date instead of choosing me__.__" She whispered under her breath and regretted __it __immediately. She said too much! She wanted to die right there, what was Damon going to think of her__?_

"_What did you just __say?"__ Damon said stopping in his tracks and looking at her straight in the eyes__._

"_Well I mean, I didn't really mean it like…" She started to splutter the words as a smile appeared on Damon's lips__.__ "Do not laugh at me Salvatore!" __she__ punched him __in__ the chest__.__ "What I was going to say was that-"_

_She was instantly cut off by his lips on hers, persistent but soft at the same time, tasting her. She was shocked at first but reacted immediately by lacing her fingers in his dark hair, it always amazed her how soft it was._

"_What are you doing?" __she__ whispered after pulling him away from her__._

"_Kissing you__.__" He answered with a playful smirk__._

"_Yeah I __figured__ that much, but why?" _

"_Because I think I'm in love with you__.__" He stated simply, his blue eyes shining with honesty__._

"_You think?" _

"_Well I'm actually pretty sure but I __figured__ you would start yelling at me about confusing our friendship so I went for the __'__think__'." __He smiled widely and got closer to her__. __"Thought you would digest it better__."_

"_This can't be__.__" She said touching her lips__._

"_So you don't want us to be more than friends?" __he__ said with disappointment __in__ his voice, he had been absolutely sure that she wanted the same thing he wanted, the kiss, it had been perfect._

"_I…I-why do you want us to be more than friends?" __she__ said with a trembling voice__._

"_Because I'm in love with you__.__" He stroked her cheek with his thumb softly__._

"_Why now? I mean you never showed any interest in me before__.__" Elena reasoned with him__.__ "You are in love with Katherine__.__"_

"_I __thought__ I was in love with her, hell maybe I was but that's over now Lena, she made me choose and there was no way in the world that I would chose her over you__.__" He pressed a soft gentle kiss onto her cheek__.__ "I know it's hard for you to believe what I'm saying but I think I've been in love with you for a while now__.__"_

_Was he serious? When Caroline and Bonnie told her that Damon was in love with her Elena was sure that they were talking __nonsense__ but now, hearing it out of his mouth__...__ Could Damon actually be in love with her?_

"_But you never saw me as more than your sister__.__" Elena whispered__._

"_Is that what you think?" Damon let out a sardonic laugh__.__ "So you think I never noticed when your __breasts__ started to grow? Or how you have the most amazing pair of legs I've ever seen__?__" __he__ whispered close into her ear__.__ "Do you have __any__ idea how many times I've touched myself thinking about you?" Elena could feel the color appearing __on__ her face as her lower body felt on fire__.__ "I've always __imagined__ how my name would sound coming out your lips in a moan__.__" He sucked her earlobe lightly and Elena was sure __she'd__ pass out at any minute__.__ "I've never been able to see you as a sister Lena, and I always felt guilty about that__.__"_

"_Damon I-" He silenced her by pressing __his__ finger __on__ her lips__._

"_Hush, please don't think now Lena, don't try to __over-analyze__ this, just give us a chance__.__" His blue eyes pleaded with her__._

"_But what if-"_

"_No, please not. I know we can be so amazing together, please just let us try this__.__" He leaned in and pressed his lips softly against hers once again__._

"_Okay__.__" She murmured__._

"_Okay?" __he__ asked with a smile on his face__._

"_Yes, but Damon Salvatore if you break my heart I swear-"_

"_I won't break your heart Lena__.__" He pressed their __foreheads __together and smiled__.__ "I could never break your heart__.__"_

"_Promise?"_

"_Promise__.__"_

**_But there's another world_**

**_We're living in_**

**_Tonight_**

_._

_Damon was driving home with a bright smile on his face, it was a beautiful Sunday morning and he just had the most amazing breakfast with Elena, he still couldn't believe that she agreed that she was now his girlfriend. _

_He parked his car and walked to the front door, he wanted to tell everything to Stefan, apparently his brother claimed that he already knew of his love for Elena, it seemed that everyone knew about that love but him._

"_How could you be so stupid?!" __he heard__ the voice of his father shouting and then the loud thud that followed it__._

"_Leave him alone__!__" __he__ spoke each word with determination the minute he saw his little brother lying on the ground while his father hovered over him__._

"_You don't tell me what to do__!__" Giuseppe spat at him__.__ "This little idiot here made an inappropriate comment last night at the party to one of my colleagues and now everyone's laughing at how stupid my son is__.__" He smacked Stefan's cheek __hard.__ "And no one laughs at me!"_

"_I didn't mean to-" Stefan cried softly__._

"_Step away from him!" Damon shouted and pushed his father away from his brother__.__ "Stefan get up and go now__.__" The younger boy didn't __seem__ to move, he was paralyzed because of the fear__.__ "I said GO!" Damon yelled at him and helped him on his feet__._

"_You see, he can't do anything right__.__" Giuseppe said in a mocking manner while watching his younger son __run__ away to the door__._

"_You won't ever touch a single hair of my brother's hair, do you understand?" Damon spat while getting closer to his father__._

"_And who do you think you are?" Giuseppe said in a hard tone__.__ "__I'll__ do whatever I want with my children__.__" Damon could see the irritation boiling inside his father and he knew that he was now the object of his anger__._

"_If you want to hit someone, then hit me__.__" The elder man spoke softly__.__ "But don't you ever touch my brother again__.__" The last thing Damon was aware of was the pain his __father's__ fist brought on his jaw, the blow so hard that __it__ knocked him on the ground__._

"_You are delusional if you think you will tell me what to do__.__" His father spat before propping him a kick on his left side__.__ "You are nothing Damon! Do you hear me, NOTHING!" __his__ fist landed on his nose now, Damon could feel the warm blood soaking his face__._

"_Stop! Stop__!__" Damon could hear the sound of his mother's voice and from another person as well, he couldn't open his eyes, he was paralyzed now, paralyzed by fear, just like Stefan was a few moments ago. But he was stronger; he needed to be stronger for his little brother__._

"_Oh my God Damon__!__" __his__ mother cried next to him__.__ "What did you do son? What did you tell him?" __he__ opened his eyes and found the blue eyes of his mother staring worriedly at him__._

"_Where's dad?" __he__ asked under his breath__._

"_William is calming him down__.__" His mother said in a shaky voice. __As__ if his uncle William could do something to calm his father down__._

"_What happened Damon?"_

"_He was hitting Stefan__.__" He said softly__.__ "And I told him he couldn't do that anymore__.__"_

"_My God Damon__.__" He sat up slowly and his mother took him into his arms__.__ "You know you shouldn't provoke him__.__"_

"_What was I __supposed__ to do?" Damon stared at her horrified__.__ "Let him beat the crap out of my seventeen year old brother?" _

"_No of course not__,__ but__-_

"_I'm old enough now mom, I won't stand and see this shit happen anymore__.__" He said with determination __in__ his voice__._

"_I wish I could be as brave as you Damon__.__" His mother murmured between sobs while rocking him softly. _

_He wasn't weak._

_He wasn't._

_He wouldn't let his father harm them anymore._


	6. Farewell to the places that we have been

**_Hi Guys!_**

**_Sorry for the delay but this chapter was kind of hard to write, I changed a million things before sending it to my beta and even after it lol but I think it ended up being really good, I really hope you like it._**

**_Please take the time to leave me a review, it really means the world to me._**

**_As always I wanna thank my beta Amy and to all of you for reading this._**

**_PS. I was thinking in making a whole chapter just with flashbacks but I'm not sure if you would like that or you rather seeing some present bits there too, please let me know what you think of this._**

**_Also there's a little P.S I LOVE YOU quote there, points to whoever spots it :)_**

**_Enough with the talking._**

**_Enjoy_**

**_Love, _**

**_Sam_**

* * *

_We're too far out we're in too deep_

_And we've got miles to go before we can sleep_

_I said we've been walking a thin line_

_You've got one hand on the devil baby and one hand in mine_

_But don't let go no it's not too late you know_

**_Where we belong –Thriving Ivory-_**

**_._**

"So tell me, the pink or the blue one?" Elena asked her friend while holding the two dresses in the air.

"Umm I think the blue, that color looks amazing on you." Caroline said before applying red lipstick on her lips.

"I'll go change." She said and disappeared into the bathroom.

"So, is this thing with Kol serious?" the blonde girl said while checking her appearance in the full length mirror in Elena's room.

"I don't know yet." Elena answered from the bathroom.

"You don't know?"

"For once I just want to have fun and enjoy myself, I've had enough drama for a lifetime." Elena murmured. After the fiasco with Damon she decided to move forward so she invited Kol to the party they were having tonight.

"And do you think there will be some awkwardness with Damon tonight? I mean since you're going with another man." Caroline said with a smirk on her lips, she knew how jealous and possessive Damon used to be and she didn't think that had changed during the years, so she was sure that there was going to be some drama guaranteed for tonight.

"If he wants to get mad for that, then it's his problem." Elena muttered coming out of the bathroom. "I think I'm ready." She said with a smile.

"You look amazing Lena."

"Thanks Care so do you. Is Klaus coming tonight?"

"No, he had to work so it's gonna be just me." The blonde said with a pout.

"I'm sure you'll live," Elena said half laughing. "You know this is a big opportunity for you Care."

"I know, I mean I'm awesome at my job and there's already a lot of people who know me but organizing an event like this is beyond important… I mean the Salvatore name is huge here." Caroline said with a thoughtful look. "Why do you think he asked me to do this?"

"I really don't know Caroline."

"Do you think he's trying to get close to us again? After all that happened with Rebekah." The blonde girl said with a sad expression on her face.

"I wouldn't count on that Caroline."

"Well I hope he is." She said with a small smile. "Are you sure you'll be okay Lena?" Caroline asked when she saw the nervous look on Elena's face, she had known this girl her whole life and she knew when there was something wrong with her.

"I'm fine, it's just hard you know, to forget about him." The brunette girl said with nostalgia in her voice, no matter what he did, she just couldn't get him off her skin.

"I know honey, you know it still surprises me that after everything he put you through back then… that you can still love him." Caroline said while sitting on the bed.

"Yeah I know… but he was everything to me Caroline and I'm sure that no one, no one is going to love him the way I did." Elena took a seat next to her friend and stared into space. "Back then I used to prefer being unhappy with him than being happy without him."

"Sometimes I think you will still choose that." Caroline said looking deeply at her friend. "And that thought scares me Lena, because you deserve so much more."

"But he wasn't like this Caroline, we were so happy together, before everything started to go wrong there was nothing sweeter in my life than my moments with Damon." Elena whispered with a smile on her lips. "He made me feel alive and loved and then… then his mother died and he was never the same again." Elena looked down with a troubled expression.

"You think he would still be good if Alessandra had not died?"

"I don't know Caroline, I think that I will never fully understand why Damon is the way he is." Elena answered sadly. "But you know what? I could never really hate him, because even when he hurt me so much, he also made me touch the sky, he loved me with the kind of love you feel to the tips of your fingers… I was loved Caroline." Her brown glossy eyes stared at her friend. "And everyone should have the chance to feel that at least once, I will always be grateful with him for giving me that chance."

"Wow, you made me tear up here Gilbert." Caroline said with a smile while wiping the undersides of her eyes, somehow Elena's words reminded her of Matt, she was sure that she could never love anyone else the way she loved him. "You know, I think I could never really hate him either." The nostalgia in Caroline's voice was evident, Damon used to be one of her best friends and knowing that that person was now a stranger made her heart break, they stayed in silence for a few moments before the doorbell ringing brought both girls out of their trip down memory lane, Caroline was up immediately with a smile on her lips. "I think your date is here."

**_So hold on we got our wings and we're chasing the wind_**

**_Farewell to all the places that we have been_**

**_And if it takes us all night long_**

**_We're going back where we belong_**

_._

"_Okay you're being ridiculous, I don't even like Trevor__.__" Elena stated as she crossed her arms above her chest and stared to the front __at__ the long road ahead__._

"_If I may recall you took him to the party of my dad's company a few months ago__.__" Damon said in a low voice__._

"_That was only because you took Vicky with you and Caroline said it would be a good idea__.__" Elena said rolling her eyes at her boyfriend__._

"_Well I'm still mad__.__" He muttered under his breath__._

"_Then stay mad, this is not my fault__.__" Elena answered stubbornly as Damon gripped the steering wheel__._

"_No, it's his__.__"_

"_Come on he just asked me out, he didn't know that we are together__.__" _

"_Well he should have, everyone in your school should know that you are taken__.__"_

"_Now you're being a caveman__.__" Elena answered with the ghost of a smile appearing on her face__._

"_I just can't stand the idea of someone else wanting you__.__" Damon said with a troubled look on his face__._

"_Well baby we definitely need to work on your possessiveness issues__,__" Elena said putting her hand on top __of__ his that was resting on the gear shift__.__ "You can't go __through__ life like this__.__"_

"_Why not?" __he__ turned to look at her for a moment__.__ "You are mine and no one else can have you__.__" The intensity __in__ his voice scared her but at the same time excited her in all kinds of way, this man made her completely lose her mind__._

"_Definitely need to work on your issues__.__" Elena murmured under her breath__._

"_Let's not fight anymore, please?" Damon said in a tender voice, the intensity __from__ a few seconds ago was long gone__._

"_You're the one fighting darling__.__" Elena answered with a smile__._

"_Then forgive me for being such a jerk, it's just you make me feel out of control, you consume me Elena__.__" He said in a low voice as his eyes were focused on the road__._

"_You consume __me __too Damon__.__" She said softly while stroking his cheek tenderly with her thumb__._

_It amazed Elena__ -__ all the love she had for Damon, he was everything to her, he had been everything since the moment they met, but now, knowing that he was hers, that his heart truly belonged to her was indescribable, her heart was full of happiness __from__ finally being with him._

_It took her a while to accustom to the idea of Damon loving her in the way she __had __always dreamed, she __thought__ that Damon was confusing his feelings, in her head it was impossible that he could love her and even now sometimes she was afraid that he would realize this and her heart would end up broken._

'_You don't get to tell me how I feel' that was Damon's response every time she brought the subject up, he was sure of his love for her and nothing was changing his mind, he loved her in a way he could never love another._

"_I love you Damon__.__" Elena said with a smile before pressing a soft kiss on his cheek__._

"_I love you __too__ Elena__.__" He answered and leaned in to kiss her lips gently__.__ "Now please just let me drive or we're going to end up crashing __into__ something__.__" He said with a smirk__._

"_Oh I'm not letting you drive?" Elena said with a smile and a raised brow__.__ "If I may recall you were the one fighting __with__ me__.__" _

"_Oh forget that already__.__" He answered with a smile__.__ "Your beauty is distracting__,_ _so it's your fault" he said before giving her a wink_

"_Aww you're turning into a softy Damon Salvatore__.__" Elena teased him__._

"_No way, I'm as bad as it gets__.__" _

"_Keep telling yourself that baby__.__" _

"_Oh whatever__.__" Damon said rolling his eyes__.__ "You're still distracting me lady__.__"_

"_Oh yeah right__.__" She said before letting out a carefree laugh as the wind blew her hair in all __kinds__ of directions. _

_She was as happy as someone could ever be._

_._

**_So we'll build temples in our heads_**

**_When we've grown frail and all our bones are of lead_**

**_We've been walking a winding road_**

**_Let's go no footsteps to follow baby_**

**_And no signs to guide us home_**

.

"You look amazing tonight." Kol whispered in her ear for the tenth time that night. Elena smiled and blushed slightly, she liked this guy and he actually liked her, he was handsome, smart, nice, he was everything you dreamed to find in a man and she really liked him but even so she couldn't help the feeling in the pit of her stomach that kept telling her that he wasn't the one.

"Thank you." She answered sweetly. Then they were engaged in another boring conversation with some editors from another magazine. Elena was pretty bored actually, not that the party was bad, because it wasn't, Caroline had made an amazing job with this, Elena was sure that no one could throw a party like Caroline Forbes but she just wasn't in the mood to stand around and hear thousands of people say the same things, Kol on the other hand seemed enchanted, he was fun, interesting, witty and had everyone eating out of the palm of his hand within minutes.

"I'm going to steal her for a moment." She heard Caroline's voice next to her and Kol smiled softly and nodded while he kept chatting with the people in front of him. "You look like you're at a funeral." Caroline told her the minute they were alone.

"I know I'm sorry, but this thing is boring as hell." Elena answered honestly.

"What are you talking about, this is a great party." The blonde girl said sounding offended.

"Yeah it is, but the people in here are so boring, so…" Elena closed her eyes for a moment. "I don't know, I want to go." She pouted.

"No way, you have to stay at least one more hour, this is for your job." Caroline chastised her. "And the only reason you wanna go is because you don't want to see Damon."

"That's so not true." Elena answered with indignation.

"Yeah right you can't fool me Gilbert." The blue eyes of her friend pierced into her. "Learn from me, Matt is here with April and I'm doing just fine."

"Yeah, why is Matt here?"

"He's working on a buffet that has acquisitions with the Salvatore's now, and of course he had to bring that bitch with him." Caroline's hand closed in a fist as she stared daggers at Matt's new girlfriend.

"See, you're affected too."

"Of course not, I'm just stating facts, she's a bitch."

"We're pathetic Caroline." Elena said with a defeated sigh.

"No we're not; you probably are but not me."

"We both are." Elena said softly. That was the truth she was pathetic, here she was at a great party with an amazing man and all she could think of was him, of how this party was boring because he wasn't here with her. How could you love someone so much? Because no matter all the time and space she put between them, she still loved him with every fiber of her being.

She knew what it was like, not to feel like you're in the room, until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know... you're with him. You're his. That was why she had a hard time walking into a room full of people on her own, her body missed him, her soul missed him.

"Yeah I think we both are." Caroline answered in a whisper. "Well I've got to go now." The blonde girl put on her brave façade once again and disappeared into the crowd. Elena smiled sadly and returned to Kol.

An hour later Caroline was happy to see that Elena was still here and that she seemed happier now, maybe being around Kol was good for her. She knew that her friend needed more time to recover but she was positive that Elena wasn't going to be like this forever, someday the memory of Damon wouldn't hurt her so much…or maybe he would turn into his old self and they could have the life they always dreamed of.

As if she evoked him she saw Damon across the room, he was all alone at the bar as usual. She took a deep breath and walked towards him.

"Hey." She said in a soft voice.

"Hello blondie." Damon answered before sipping his drink, he wasn't even looking at her.

"I just… I wanted to thank you for hiring me… it means a lot to me seriously-"

"Don't confuse yourself Caroline," Damon said with a twisted smirk on his face. "I didn't even hire you, I asked my assistant to search for someone good to throw this shit and she called you, I didn't even know it was you." His voice was venom to the blonde girl.

"But I-"

"Don't look for things that aren't there Caroline, you and I are not friends and we will never be friends again." Caroline felt tears threaten to fall from her eyes at the harsh words Damon was saying, how could she be so stupid to believe that maybe he had changed? "Why would I ever want to be your friend? I mean Matt was smart enough to run in the other direction." He said in a mocking manner.

"How dare you?" she spat at him. Her heart breaking at his words, how could this be the same man that used to be her friend? "How can you do this Damon? How can you act like this? We used to be your friends, don't you feel even a little bit sorry for everything you put Elena through? For treating us like this?"

"You confuse me for someone with remorse. None of this matters to me Caroline, none of it." His blue eyes turned darker as he stared at her. "Now please can you go, I really don't feel like talking to you and like I said we're not friends, so don't confuse things."

"Don't worry I won't make that mistake again." She answered in a trembling voice before walking away from him.

Damon drank the content of his glass and closed his eyes briefly; he could feel the sting of the alcohol in his throat and in his heart as well. It hurt him, what he did, it actually hurt him, just like it hurt him to see Elena with another man tonight but it was going to be the best eventually, this is what he did the best, he was good at this, destroying everything around him, everything he loved, he always knew that his love was toxic.

And he couldn't risk letting them in again, he couldn't.

.

**_See I have to believe that there's more than this seems_**

**_More than a soul in a boat in a sea of sinking dreams_**

**_And I have to be sure that there's gonna be a cure_**

**_Cause somewhere down the line I lost the part of me that's pure_**

_._

_Damon was driving towards his __father's__ office, he started to work there on Monday and there were still some things he needed to confirm with him, at this time everyone __had __already left to their houses, his father was the only one __that worked__ late so they could check things out without being disturbed._

_He had left Elena __at__ her house a few minutes ago, he still couldn't believe that he could kiss her now, touch her, __God,__ making love to Elena was the sweetest thing in the world, he could never get tired of her, during the years he had his share of women but none of them made him feel like Elena, the connection he felt with her was something he never dreamed of finding._

_He loved Katherine, that was true, but his love for her never compared to the love he had for Elena, while losing Katherine had been hard losing Elena would break him completely, he was never letting her go. It would be like losing a part of himself, the only good part of himself. _

_He put the key __in__ the lock and opened the service entry to the company building, he could never understand why but this place during the night always scared him, ever since he was a little boy, he had to accustom to this now __though,__ he was sure that he would spend many nights here from now on._

_He took the stairs because the elevators were off by now; nothing else was heard __in__ the building but his footsteps, that was until he reached the floor __where__ his father's office was on; he heard a moan, a very loud moan, he rolled his eyes, he couldn't have one day with his father, just one day that wasn't interrupted by one of his whores, Damon wondered how his mother could stand all this crap. He didn't even __know__ why he still put up with all of this crap, after all his father put them __through__ he still couldn't distance himself from him, after all he was his father and he loved him._

_While he was getting closer he __heard__ his __father's__ name leaving the woman's mouth and stopped right there, it didn't __surprise__ him that his father had a mistress, no, hell he probably had hundreds._

_What shocked him the most was that he knew that voice._

_He knew that damn voice__._

_._

"You going already Lena?" Matt asked her after getting close to her.

"Yeah, Kol went to find my coat and Caroline is leaving someone in charge." Elena answered nervously.

"Why? Is she leaving too?" Matt asked confused.

"Yeah, she's not feeling well." Elena couldn't believe that Damon said all those horrible things to Caroline, she was feeling terrible and Elena couldn't blame her, Damon was slowly destroying all of them.

"What's wrong?" Matt said with true concern.

"Nothing, she'll be fine." Elena said not wanting to let Matt know about the confrontation with Damon, even though he and Caroline weren't together anymore she knew that he still cared about her and he wouldn't hesitate in beating the crap out of Damon. "Can you help me find Kol? He's been gone for a while now."

"No, it's okay let's find him." He leaded Elena to the hallway where the coat room was in. "Are you sure Caroline is fine?" Matt asked while they walked towards the room.

"Yeah, it's nothing." Elena said with a small smile.

"It's just she wouldn't leave the party if it wasn't important." Matt said with a frown, Caroline took her job very seriously and he knew that she would want to check that everything was working personally.

"Really, it's nothing," when they were almost reaching the room they heard a moan coming from one of the doors. "Seems like someone is having a nice night." Elena said trying to contain her laughter.

"Wait." Said Matt and stopped in his tracks. "I know that voice." He turned around and walked towards the room the sound just came from.

"Matt what are you doing?" Elena said in a hushed voice when Matt put his hand on the door knob. "Matt-" Her sentence was suspended in the air when he opened the door, the scene was enough to end up breaking her heart in a million pieces.

Damon was laying on the king sized bed, his shirt long gone while a half naked April planted kisses along his neck. "What is this?" Matt said in a low voice that was charged with fury.

"Oh my God Matt!" April said horrified when she turned around and found her boyfriend looking at her.

"Well it is what it is, your girlfriend wanted a little bit of fun and I like to please my guests." Damon said with a twisted smirk plastered on his face.

"How dare you?" the blonde man shouted as he threw himself at Damon and smashed his fist against his jaw. "Didn't you have enough already?" he shouted as he slammed him against the mattress. "Haven't you hurt us enough?!"

"Matt stop!" both Elena and April yelled in unison when he punched Damon's face once again.

"Is this all you got quarter back?" Damon let out a sardonical laugh and threw Matt away from himself before getting up from the bed.

"No it's not." Elena had never seen Matt this way, there was fire coming out of his eyes, the anger coming out of him was palpable but before he could go for Damon again Alaric's arms restrained him.

"This is enough, don't make a scene." Ric murmured.

"That's the least of my concern right now." The blonde boy said through gritted teeth.

"Matt please!" April begged him through her tears.

"Don't you even dare to look at me." He hissed at the girl.

"Let's go Matt, don't do this now." Alaric whispered while trying to calm the boy. "Let's get some air." He said before practically dragging him out of the room while April kept crying her apologizes behind them.

"Well don't ever say I don't know how to throw a party" Damon said before turning around to retrieve his shirt from the floor, Elena stared at the black feather on his right shoulder blade, the one who had an E floating graciously on top, the tattoo that matched the one on the nape of her neck. Millions of memories came rushing back to her just for staring at that mark, good memories, happy memories. How could this man be the same she used to love? How could he change so much?

"Now that she's gone, do you want to have some fun?" His blue eyes stared at her but Elena could no longer see her Damon there, no, instead of that there was a very different man, a man she could not recognize, a man she could no longer love

"Who are you?" She said in a low calm voice while her eyes looked at him with disdain

"Is that a rhetorical question?" He said with a smirk while putting his shirt on

"What happened to you Damon?" Her glossy brown eyes stared deeply at him "You're no longer the guy I used to know"

"Maybe you never really knew me" He said softly

"Yes I did" Those were her last words before leaving the room

The pain she was feeling right now was something she didn't wished for anyone, he had managed to break her heart once again, when was she going to learn?

Loving Damon Salvatore was toxic, their love was toxic.

.

**_Hold on we're gonna make it if it takes all night_**

**_Hearts racing like a rocket at the speed of light_**

**_And if it takes us all night long_**

**_We're going back where we belong_**

* * *

_Thanks a lot for reading :)_


	7. There's nothing where he used to lie

**_I thought, I saw a man brought to life__  
__He was warm, he came around and he was dignified__  
__He showed me what it was to cry__  
__Well, you couldn't be that man I adored__  
__You don't seem to know__  
__Seem to care what your heart is for__  
__But I don't know him anymore__  
__There's nothing where he used to lie_**

**_Torn–Natalie Imbruglia- _**

_**.**_

_**.**_

_Damon approached the door slowly, doing his best in not being heard. He knew that voice, but at the moment his brain still couldn't process what was happening. All of this seemed like __it was__ out of a movie, a really bad movie. _

"_You always surprise me__.__" Said the __breathless__ voice of his father__._

"_I could say the same about you, lover__.__" The female voice purred sensually and Damon fisted his hands almost to the point of pain, how could he be that stupid? All this time, how could he not see this?_

"_But now you should leave__.__"_

"_Ouch__.__" The girl answered__.__ "You go straight to the point__.__"_

"_Of course my dear__,__" Damon could hear the sound of kissing and the __bile__ started to rise up __in__ his throat, he was going to throw up at any moment__.__ "My sweet sweet Katherine, you really are a temptress__.__"_

"_Why do you think Damon liked me so much?" __she__ said a bit too sweetly__._

"_Oh yes, sometimes I forget you had an affair with my son__.__"_

"_It wasn't just an affair, he was in love with me__.__" Katherine said mockingly and Damon wanted nothing more than __to__ throw open the door and show that girl a piece of his mind__._

_How could he __have __loved this woman? There wasn't a single thing lovable about __her;__ she was a cold manipulative bitch who knew how to play her cards __to__ perfection._

"_In love? My God that boy is stupid__.__" Giuseppe said before letting out a sardonic laugh__.__ "I swear I don't know why I have such __a__ stupid pair of boys__.__" _

"_Maybe it's your __wife's__ fault__.__"_

"_I think __you're__ right about that__.__" He said with a chuckle__._

"_They're not tough like you__,__" Katherine said before placing a kiss on the corner of his lips__.__ "They're nothing like you__.__"_

"_There's no hope for Stefan, he's never going to be able to run an empire like this, but there may still be a chance for Damon__.__" His father said in a hard voice__._

"_You think?"_

"_That kid is a lot more like me __than__ what he __wants__ to admit, I just need to __toughen__ him up a little bit and he __will__ be the perfect heir__.__" Giuseppe said in a proud voice__._

"_If you want Damon to be tough enough like you there's just one thing that you need to do__.__" Katherine said with annoyance __in__ her voice__._

"_And what is that my dear?"_

"_Send him as far away from Elena Gilbert as you can, that girl is what keeps him weak__.__" The hatred was evident __in__ the girl's voice and Damon couldn't believe what he was hearing, Elena __weakens__ him. That girl was the only reason he got up from his bed every morning__.__ "He could never be the man you want with that girl clinging to his side__.__"_

"_If I didn't know you so well I would think you're jealous__.__" The elder man said in a sardonic manner__._

"_I like being the center of attention love, and whenever that bitch was around I was just ordinary to his eyes__.__" _

"_Maybe that's because you are indeed ordinary__.__" Damon's hard voice resounded in the entire office. Katherine stared at him in horror while Giuseppe managed to erase all traces of surprise __quick__ enough for his son to see__._

"_What are you doing here Damon?" The elder man said in a hard voice, his stony black eyes staring at him intently__._

"_I think that's the last thing that matters now, don't you?" Damon said with a raised brow while Katherine still looked at him with surprise, not being able to articulate one single word__._

"_I always knew you were trash Katherine, but this is low even for you__.__" His eyes stared at her with disdain as he walked closer to where they were standing__.__ "And you__,__" __he__ pointed his finger at his father__.__ "I can't even put into words what I feel for you right now__.__" _

"_Don't be melodramatic Damon__,__" Giuseppe said with a roll of his eyes__.__ "Let's not make a big deal out of this__.__"_

"_You did not just say that__,__" Damon's blue eyes turned icy at his words__.__ "How long __have you__ been fucking her?" _

"_Damon-"_

"_You shut up Katherine__!__" Damon didn't even bother to look at her__._

"_Let's just say I knew her before you did__.__" His father said slowly__._

"_And still you let me date her… Wow!" Damon said and closed his eyes for a moment trying to keep his temper at bay__.__ "Did you fuck her while we were together?"_

"_Yes__.__"_

"_You're truly __a __scumbag__.__" He looked at his father from head to toe with repulsion written all over his face__.__ "And I want you to know something, Stefan and I are so lucky __to__ not __be__ like you__.__" He spat out before walking towards the door__._

_He __left__ the office without saying another word; he still couldn't believe what __had __just happened. What his own father did to him, both of them had been lying to him, playing him for God knows how long._

_The betrayal he felt at that moment was something indescribable. How could his father do that to him? There was nothing good inside his heart__.__ And Katherine… he loved her and to know that she didn't even __care__ the slightest for him was a low blow. _

_Elena. He had been right in choosing her all those months ago, she was good, pure, and she would never do something like this to him, he trusted that girl with his life and he loved her even more. _

_He needed her, he needed to see her right now or he would break, Katherine was wrong, Elena didn't make him week, she made him stronger._

* * *

The minute he walked into the bar he spotted him, it wasn't hard, you just had to look for the most miserable human being in the place. It really hurt him seeing his brother reduced to something like this.

"Figured I would find you here." Damon said taking a seat next to Stefan at the bar.

"What do you want Damon?" The youngest Salvatore said with an annoyed voice.

"I was looking for some brotherly time," Damon said with a smirk. "Just the two of us, like the good old times."

"Screw you Damon."

"Stop with the aggression baby bro." Damon ordered himself a glass of bourbon, it seemed like this may take a little bit more than what he anticipated, Stefan was in a really bad place at the moment.

"Go away." Stefan said before drinking his whole glass in one go.

"Come on Stef, self-destructive behavior only looks sexy on me." He said with a glint in his eyes while Stefan only rolled his eyes at him. "Stefan you can't keep doing this." The blue haired man said in a suddenly very serious voice.

"What do you care?"

"Come on, we already had this conversation, you are my brother and I'm not letting you throw away your life." It was bad enough that his own life was a mess, he couldn't let Stefan suffer through that too, he was the good brother. "You already lost your job."

"It doesn't matter." Stefan answered stubbornly before ordering another drink.

"Of course it matters." The elder brother said in a hard voice. "Stefan you need to wake up, you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Seriously Damon you need to leave, you're the one messing everything up, I was doing just fine before you got here." Stefan muttered under his breath.

"Yeah right, what was the plan buddy, drinking yourself to death?"

"You wanna talk about bad behavior? Why don't we talk about yours?" Stefan's stony eyes turned to look at him. "Sleeping with Matt's girlfriend? Low, Damon, really low, even for you. He won't ever forgive you for that… I doubt Caroline can do that too, after all the crap you said to her…and Elena, well let's just say she doesn't even want to hear your name right now."

Damon's chest constricted with pain at the words coming out of his brother's mouth, he knew it was the truth, and honestly it was the least he deserved after everything he did, he couldn't blame them for not wanting anything to do with him anymore, after all that was what he wanted in the first place. Then how come it hurt so much?

"Tonight is not about me Stefan, it's about you." Damon whispered softly. "You need to move on."

"Move on? How can I move on?!" Tears were gathered in the hazel eyes of the boy. "What would you do in my place Damon? How would you feel knowing that Elena is no longer in this world, no longer exists, that you won't ever see her again…you won't find her in the Starbucks down the block from your house, won't hear the click of her heels when she thinks she can surprise you from behind, won't hear her laugh, or feel the softness of her hair…won't ever kiss her again." Stefan was gripping the bar tightly, to the point where his knuckles were turning white and even Damon could feel the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "How would you feel to know that she's no longer in this world? That you won't ever see her again! She's no longer here!"

"Stefan I-"

"She was my world Damon, she was my world… how can I keep going when she's no longer here? I can't exist in a world where she doesn't." Small tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Yes you can Stefan."

"I don't know how Damon." Stefan said looking down.

"I'm going to help you." Damon said placing his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Yeah right." The boy answered with a sardonic laugh.

"I'm serious Stefan." His blue eyes looked intently at his brother.

"I thought I wasn't going to feel this way again… when mom died I thought-"

"I know, I know," Damon answered knowingly because that was the day he promised he would never feel that way again. "Come on baby bro." He handed cash to the bartender and took his brother out of the bar.

Once in the apartment he put him down on the bed and in less than five minutes he was sleeping soundlessly, it broke his heart to see his brother like this, he couldn't even fathom the idea of losing Elena, so he couldn't imagine how Stefan was feeling right now.

He served himself a glass of bourbon and sat on his brother's couch, he missed her, she was his world, what would he feel like if she was no longer here? Damon let out a sigh and pulled out his cell phone from his pocket, he scrolled down his contacts until he reached her name… he couldn't call her… could he?

"Hello." She answered at the third ring.

"Are you okay?" he whispered softly, she didn't sound good, she had been crying, he knew she was.

"I'm fine Damon, what do you want?"

"I miss you." He said with emotion clinging in his throat.

"Damon please, stop." Elena said on the verge of tears once again.

"What happened to us Elena?" His voice broke down at the end of the sentence.

"You, you happened Damon." She said with a shaky voice and Damon didn't need to see her to know that her face was now covered in tears.

"I don't- I don't know who I am anymore." His voice was a hollow whisper.

"Yeah me neither." Elena whispered.

"I need you Lena."

"Damon don't do this now, please-"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you." He said before hanging up the phone.

What was he doing? He promised himself that he wouldn't hurt her anymore, then why was he still doing this to her? He was never good enough for her, she deserved better than him. He shouldn't have called her, his purpose was being as far away as he could from her but then why did he always end up reaching out for her? It wasn't fair, he couldn't hurt her anymore.

She was his world… but now he had to let her go.

* * *

"_Damon, I don't know what to say__.__" Elena whispered with a horrified expression __on__ her face, she still couldn't believe what they had done, how could they be so cruel?_

"_Can you believe it Elena?!" __he__ shouted before slamming his fist into the wall of her bedroom__.__ "What they did-" He let out a roar of pure desperation and Elena was thankful that Jenna was staying with Logan tonight and Jeremy wasn't home yet__._

"_I'm so sorry__.__"_

"_What that bitch did to me… I loved her and she lied to me the whole time__.__" His eyes were blazing with fury and desolation__.__ "She lied…"_

"_Do you still care about her?" Elena asked in a tiny voice, the idea of Damon still having some kind of __feelings__ towards Katherine was unbearable to her, after all these months when they had been so happy, she couldn't stand the idea of that woman still having a piece of his heart__._

"_What?" Damon said while turning around to look at her__.__ "Lena of course not__.__" His voice softened when he realized what he was doing. Elena was still somehow insecure about their relationship and right now he was just fueling those insecurities__.__ "That's not the reason why I feel like this__.__" He walked towards the bed she was sitting __on__ and sat next to her__._

"_Then what is it?" Elena said looking down__._

"_It's the act__,__" Damon said hardly__.__ "It's to know that she lied to me the whole time, that she never cared a bit for me, that she played me. Do you know how stupid I feel?" Her brown eyes stared at him intently__.__ "And if she had done it with someone else, it wouldn't have mattered but… my father__?__" Elena placed her hand __on__ top of Damon's, feeling really stupid for thinking that he still had some kind of __feelings__ towards Katherine__.__ "Why __did he do__ it Elena?"_

"_I really don't know Damon__.__"_

"_Doesn't he care about me?" His voice broke down at the end of the sentence and Elena was able to see the scared little boy that Damon was deep down inside__._

"_Of course he does Damon, he's your father__.__" She whispered softly__._

"_No he doesn't, he doesn't love me__.__" Unshed tears gathered in his blue eyes__.__ "All those years while growing up I did everything he asked me __to__, did everything as best as __I__ could, hoping that someday he would love me… but he never did__.__" _

"_Damon-"_

"_Do you know what he did to me the first time I got a panic attack?" __he__ squeezed her hand tightly__.__ "…That was the first time he hit me, he said I just wanted attention__.__"_

"_God Damon__,__" Elena placed a soft kiss __onto__ his cheek, her heart breaking for the man next to her, what Damon had to put up __with__ his entire life was too much, she couldn't understand how someone could be so hard with his own children, why life was being so cruel to him?_

"_Why doesn't he love me Elena?" His eyes looked at her with despair__.__ "Is there something wrong with me? Why can't he love me?" _

"_Oh God __no__, Damon__!__" Elena said while bringing him down towards her, his head resting on her shoulder and his arms encircling her waist while hers surrounded him completely__.__ "He loves you Damon, deep down inside he does, all father's love their children__.__"_

"_He doesn't__.__"_

"_Of course he does, he's just a hard man, with a very dark heart__.__" Elena kissed his forehead softly__.__ "There's nothing wrong with you Damon, you're perfect, you're the most lovable person in this world__.__"_

"_I think that one is Caroline__.__" He said trying to joke around__._

"_No, it's you__.__" Elena said with a smile__.__ "And don't you ever doubt it__.__" _

_He released her and wiped the few tears that had fallen from his eyes__.__ "I'm sorry for this__.__" And just like that the scared little boy he was disappeared and the strong man took his place__._

"_I love you Damon__.__" Elena stated with passion__._

"_I love you more angel__.__" He whispered before taking her lips in the sweetest of kisses__.__ "You are everything to me Elena, I don't know what I would do without you__.__"_

"_Yeah I know how that feels__.__" She whispered quietly__._

"_Don't you ever forget that I love you Elena__.__"_

"_Show me, show me how much you love me__.__" Elena purred softly__._

_That night they __spent__ the whole time __worshipping__ each other, showing __them __how much they loved __the other__; every time their bodies connected they reached paradise and nothing felt more right in the world, they were made for each other, their bodies were made to melt together. _

_And that night they both realized that there could never be another, they belonged together and no one was going to separate them._

* * *

It had been four weeks since the incident at Damon's party, Matt had broken up with April and no matter how hard she begged he wasn't coming back to her, he felt betrayed and that was something he couldn't forgive easily, Caroline on the other hand was doing great with Klaus, they were getting really close and even though Elena knew that the words Damon told her still hurt her, the blonde girl didn't let it show, as far as she was concerned the man was dead to her.

Elena, well she and Kol officially turned into a couple three weeks ago, sometimes she felt a little guilty for being in a relationship with him when her heart belonged to someone else, but she had accepted now that Damon was never coming back to his old self and it would be insanely stupid to keep waiting for him, she was leaving him behind, she was moving on.

"I swear there's no one more beautiful than you." Kol whispered in her ear as they danced to Cindy Lauper's voice, Kol had cooked her dinner in his apartment to celebrate that she got the job at Vogue; they had a wonderful evening together, she really liked to be around him.

"Now I think that's a lie, I'm sure there are plenty gorgeous doctors around." She said with a smile. "I mean that's what I've learned from Grey's Anatomy." He let out a carefree laugh and pressed his lips softly against hers.

"No one is as beautiful as you are." He murmured against her lips.

"Now you're making me blush." She laced her hands in his hair and let him deepen the kiss, his hands went to her waist and pressed her to him, Elena could feel his erection against her belly and it sent a chill down her spine, could she do this? Could she give her body to someone who wasn't Damon?

He was the first man in her life, the only man in her life. Caroline often told her how crazy she was for not sleeping with a hot French guy during the time she was in Paris, for not sleeping with someone in the last four years but Elena hadn't been able to do it, she belonged to Damon and just the idea of someone else touching her felt wrong on so many levels, but right now? Right now she didn't know what she wanted; she had given up on him, the night of the party Damon made her lose her faith in him and what was the point of not sleeping with someone if he was never coming back to her? She needed to move forward and this was the perfect way to do it.

Kol left her lips and started placing kisses along her neck and when he touched one of her soft spots Elena couldn't help but moan out loud, he pressed their foreheads together and looked her straight in the eyes, asking for permission, Elena nodded softly and he took her hand, leading her towards the bedroom.

Bonnie and Caroline would be so proud of her right now; she was doing what they told her she should do years ago, she was finally moving on. Then why didn't it feel right?

He slowly unzipped her dress and when the fabric pooled at her feet he looked at her appreciatively, his hungry gaze devouring her completely and it made her feel somehow uncomfortable. With shaky fingers she unbuttoned his shirt and when it was open she ran her hands down his chest while he closed his eyes and groaned softly.

"I need you so bad." He whispered before taking her lips in a passionate kiss, his hands found the clasp of her bra and easily removed it from her body and Elena couldn't help the feel in the pit of her stomach that kept telling her that this wasn't right, that his skin was too warm and his hands too sweaty, that he wasn't right.

He laid her down on the bed and removed the rest of his clothes and before Elena had time to react over what was going on he was inside her. And she felt like crying. His hands were palming her breasts a bit too roughly as his mouth left wet kisses along her neck, a little too wet for her liking but she didn't say anything.

"Faster." She pants against his neck as her legs wrap around his hips and she realizes that they're too slim, they don't have the perfect size. They don't fit in with her body. Then he kisses her mouth and she closes her eyes as he increased the speed, suddenly images of Damon appeared in her mind and she digs her nails in his back, forcing him to go deeper inside of her, to take his memory out of her but he can't, because he's not perfect for her, because he can't consume her, can't make her body burn like Damon used to. And this all felt so wrong. She had never felt this empty in her entire life.

Elena knows he's close from the way he's breathing and the way his body is now doing frantic moves against her, but she's not nearly ready to come, she had barely felt something in the whole act, so she fakes it, because she doesn't want him to feel bad, it's not his fault, she's the one who's broken.

"Wow." He said in amazement while lying down next to her. "That was just…wow." His breathing is ragged and Elena has to force a smile onto her face.

"I know."

"I'm so glad we finally did it." He said with a smile and presses a kiss against her lips.

"Me too." She says in a whisper and closes her eyes before lying on her side, her back now to him. She doesn't want to cry in front of him because he doesn't deserve it.

"What is this?" he murmured while removing her hair from her back and placing it all on her shoulder. "D?" he says while caressing the tattoo on the back of her neck. And Elena felt the ache in her chest grow, a lump was formed in her throat and it felt like it was cutting off her oxygen. "Who's that?"

"Just somebody that I used to know." She whispered trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Should I be jealous?" he said teasingly.

"No, it was a long time ago." Then he smiled and held her from behind his face buried in her neck and she feels like he's suffocating her, she doesn't want him touching her anymore, did that make her a bad person? Was this how her life was going to be from now on?

Once Elena was sure he was asleep, she removed his hand from her body and took her dress that was lying on the floor before running away to the living room. The tears started to fall from her eyes and she had to clasp her hands against her mouth to keep the sobs from being too loud. The emptiness inside of her was devouring her whole. Her body belonged to someone else now, another man had touched her.

She felt bad, uneasy, it wasn't supposed to be this way, this wasn't moving forward it was going two steps back, right now she wanted nothing more than to run to Damon and ask him to make love to her, to touch her where he touched her, to erase him of her, to brand her as his once again. And how sick was that? How pathetic did that make her?

Was it going to be like this for the rest of her life? No one was ever going to be enough? Because she already knew what perfection was, she knew what it was to have someone who completes you and she was afraid she could never settle with less, she wanted to go home and crawl under her covers until no more tears could come out of her eyes, but she couldn't leave, could she?

How had her life ended up like this? How did everything get so messed up, what happened to the Damon she loved? What happened with all their plans and ideas? She didn't know who he was anymore and she was starting to lose herself too. She still couldn't find the old Elena, the one who wasn't heartbroken.

The sound of her phone vibrating in her purse snapped her away from her thoughts, she reached for it and when she saw the number on the screen she almost broke down in tears once again.

"Hello?" she said with a shaky voice.

"Are you okay?" he whispered softly, the sound of his voice calmed her down immediately.

"I'm fine Damon, what do you want?" she said a bit too harshly, she loved hearing the sound of his voice right now but she couldn't handle him, not tonight.

"I miss you." The emotion in his voice made more tears roll down her cheeks.

"Damon please, stop-"

"What happened to us Elena?"

"You, you happened Damon."

"I don't- I don't know who I am anymore."

Elena closed her eyes for a moment, he was lost, she knew it because she was lost too, and deep down inside she knew that the only way of finding herself again was helping him to do the same thing, but he would never let her help him, because for God knows what reason he was trying his best to keep her away.

"Yeah me neither." She stated simply instead of telling him what really was on her mind.

"I need you Lena."

"Damon don't do this now, please-" After what happened tonight she just couldn't handle him saying those things to her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you." And just like that he hanged up on her.

Elena stared at her phone for a few moments, she wished she could go back in time, turn time around and go to that moment where everything started to fall apart, to see the signs to know what was happening with him, to help him.

Could she help him? She rolled her eyes and cursed softly, it would be stupid to try to help him, he would end up hurting her like he always did, she was like a beaten dog who always returned for more but even so she couldn't help but wish that he was back.

She wanted her Damon back.

.

_I'm all out of faith__  
__This is how I feel__  
__I'm cold and I am shamed__  
__Lying naked on the floor_

* * *

**_So sorry for the delay, I really hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know what you think!_**


	8. Won't you be my solid ground?

_Cause there we are again in the middle of the night.__  
__We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light__  
__Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well_

_**All too well – Taylor Swift-**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_She smiled widely as she watched everyone around her having fun, this was the first time __she'd__ had a birthday party since her parents died and she had to thank Damon for it. He had managed to arrange the most amazing birthday party ever, Elena was always sad on this date because it was a reminder that her parents weren't here with her anymore but Damon didn't let her get down this year and she loved him for it._

"_Oh my gosh I swear this party is amazing!" A very __excited __Caroline Forbes said next to her before sipping from the red cup __in__ her hand__._

"_Yes this is like the best party ever__.__" Matt said while surrounding Caroline with his arm, Elena could see __from__ the way his eyes were unfocused that he was pretty much drunk__._

"_Ok __it's__ a good party but I __throw__ much better parties than Damon__,__" Caroline said a little offended and Elena and Matt couldn't help but laugh at this, __only__ Caroline __could__ get upset __over__ something like that__.__ "Besides living in the boarding house gives him __an advantage.__" _

"_Don't be jealous honey__,__" Matt said softly into his __girlfriend's__ ear__.__ "Your parties are always the best__.__" He whispered before kissing her soundly__._

"_Ewww knock it off guys__,__" Elena said scrunching her nose__.__ "Your PDA is getting disturbing__.__"_

"_Oh like you __can__ talk__,__" Caroline said breaking off her kiss with Matt__.__ "You and Damon are all over each other all the time__.__" _

"_She's right about that__.__" Matt said in a sing song voice that let both of the girls know that he was getting too drunk already__._

"_Of course not, you're overacting__.__" Just when she finished the sentence she felt a pair of arms circle her waist from behind and a warm kiss was placed on her neck__._

"_You were saying?" Caroline said with a raised brow and a smile on her face__._

"_Oh please this is hardly PDA__.__" Elena said with a smile before laying her head against __Damon's__ shoulder so she was able to place a proper kiss to his lips__._

"_Come on knock it off, we don't need to watch you guys kissing each other every five minutes__.__" Bonnie said stepping into the conversation__._

"_You're all just jealous because you can't kiss her like me__.__" Damon muttered with a smirk before __planting__ another kiss __onto__ Elena's lips__._

"_Yeah right__,__" Bonnie said with a roll of __her__ eyes__.__ "Damon I have to congratulate you, this party is awesome__.__" _

"_Thank you__.__" Damon said before doing a small __dance__ while Caroline looked at him with a murderous look__._

"_Stop bragging or she will kill you__.__" Matt said in an attempt of a whisper, clearly not coordinating his acts anymore__._

"_Happy Birthday!" Thankfully Rebekah's voice stopped Caroline from killing Matt; __the__ blonde came rushing to Elena with a big white box __in__ her hand__.__ "I really hope you like it__.__" She said before handing the box to Damon so she was able to hug the birthday girl__._

"_Thank you so much Bex, I'm sure I'll love it__.__" Elena said with a smile and hugged the blonde back__._

"_Happy Birthday Lena__.__" Stefan said once his girlfriend released her and handed her a small jewelry box as a gift__._

"_You didn't have to bother guys, you being here is the best gift__.__" Elena said with a smile as Damon's arms encircled her once again__._

"_That's crap, presents are the best part of the birthdays__.__" Caroline said truthfully and they couldn't help but laugh at the blonde girl__._

"_I'll have to agree with Caroline on that one__.__" Rebekah said with a smile before pressing a kiss to Stefan's cheek__._

"_Oh come on not you too__!__" Bonnie said in an annoyed voice__.__ "You know it sucks being the only single__ one__ in the group__.__" _

"_You're not the only __one__ single__,__" Rebekah said with a smile__.__ "You can match up with Tyler__.__"_

"_Yeah__,__ in my next life__.__" Bonnie said with a smile__._

"_Well it's not our fault that you're so demanding__.__" Damon said __which__ earned him a jab __in__ the ribs by Elena__.__ "Ouch, it's the truth__!__"_

"_Of course __it's__ not, I'm not demanding__.__" _

"_You kind of are Bon, you want to find the perfect man but refuse to date the imperfects in the mean time__.__" Stefan explained__._

"_Oh whatever__.__" Bonnie said rolling her eyes with a smile on her face__._

_Elena watched as Caroline looked to the kitchen and a smile __appeared on her face.__ "Okay I was wrong, the best part of the __birthday__ is coming__.__" Elena looked at the direction Caroline was __looking in __and a smile __appeared on her face__ as well__._

_Jeremy and Jenna were walking towards them holding a giant chocolate cake when the crowd behind them started to sing Happy Birthday, Elena's eyes clouded with tears at the scene, this was always her favorite moment on her birthdays and even though her parents weren't going to be with her to share it she couldn't help but __be__ grateful for having all __of these__ amazing people with her. They were her family too and she wouldn't change them for anything._

"_Happy __birthday.__" Damon whispered in her ear before placing a soft kiss on her head__._

_She relished __in__ the feeling of being truly happy not knowing how different her next birthday would be like; moments__,__ that is life is made of… and this one, right now, was going to be one of the best moments of her life._

…_.._

"Trust me you don't want to argue with her about it," Elena said to Klaus with a smile on her face as she sipped on her mocha latte. "She loves Channing Tatum."

"But come on love, you can't deny that Dear John was a crappy movie." He said to Caroline with that British accent she loved so much. "I still don't know why you submit me to such excruciating pain."

"He's right Caroline that movie sucks." Bonnie agreed with the blonde man.

"Of course not, it's a beautiful movie, I loved it, his performance was amazing." Caroline said with a dreamy face. "And we're watching The Vow today."

"No, please," Klaus said in a dramatic manner. "Watching Channing Tatum trying to act for two hours again is more than I can bare." He pouted at her and she smiled at him.

"Just wait until she makes you watch Twilight," Elena said to him. "That is bad acting."

"Oh I hate you guys so much." Caroline said with an offended look.

Caroline had insisted that both of the girls should get to know Klaus a little bit better, that's how Bonnie and Elena knew that she was being serious with him and they couldn't be more happy, it was finally time that she got over Matt and Klaus looked like a great guy, just a few hours with him and the girls were already enchanted with him, there was no doubt why Caroline was so smitten about him.

"Well love I have to go, duty calls." He said once he finished a phone conversation with one of his colleagues. "Girls, it was a pleasure to finally meet you." He said with a smile before turning around to kiss Caroline softly. "I love you." He whispered next to her lips, she smiled at him and watched him walk away.

"You didn't say it back." Elena said softly.

"What?"

"You know what," Bonnie said with a sad smile. "What's wrong Care?"

"Nothing, it's just-"

"What?"

"I was talking to Matt yesterday and-"

"Are you planning on getting back together with Matt?" Bonnie asked with a frown. The guy was her friend and she loved him dearly but Caroline got really hurt during their break up and the last thing she wanted was to watch her friend go through all of that again.

"No but… I can't help but miss him and that got me thinking that maybe I'm going too fast with Klaus… I don't know." Caroline shook her head and looked at her linked hands on the table.

"Caroline I think you should stop waiting for Matt… he's single now but how long will it be until he finds someone else?" Elena said softly while touching her friend's hand. "And Klaus looks like a great guy."

"He even lent us money for the food." Bonnie said and the three girls started to laugh at this.

"He is a great guy."

"Then there you have your answer," Bonnie said with a small smile. "I can see that he adores you Caroline and things with Matt… well they're over. You can't hold onto him forever."

"I think you're right." Caroline said with a smile that didn't convince Elena, maybe it was because she was going through a similar situation and that was why she could understand her better than Bonnie.

Once in her apartment Elena started to wonder if the advice she gave Caroline was right, maybe she still had a chance with Matt, I mean he wasn't a sick bastard who hurt everyone around him, maybe they could still be together.

Or maybe she would be happier with Klaus, he loved her and he could make her really happy. Maybe Kol could really make her happy, maybe she needed to try harder, to get Damon completely out of her head so her relationship with Kol could work.

Her head was a mess and she was ten seconds away from pouring herself a drink when the phone stopped her from doing it. The minute the call ended she rushed as fast as she could to the police station, she couldn't believe what was happening. Stefan was truly spiraling down.

She was surprised to find Damon there once she arrived. "Did he call you?" Damon asked the minute he saw her.

"Yes, he needed someone to get him out of here, I didn't know he called you too." Elena said with a frown.

"He didn't, but I've got friends here who informed me the minute my little brother walked behind those bars." Damon said and moved a hand through his hair, he looked worried and Elena felt bad for him. "Don't worry I already made all the arrangements, he'll be out in a few minutes."

"What happened?"

"Bar fight, I don't know what to do with him anymore." Damon said in exasperation.

"I'm sorry." Elena said in a whisper.

"What are you doing here?" Stefan asked once he saw Damon was at the station. "I didn't call you." He looked at his brother with despise.

"I came to drag your sorry ass out of here." Damon muttered back.

"Why? So you can rub it in my face later?" Stefan spat out.

"Stefan he's only trying to help." She said softly.

"Why are you defending him? After everything he did to you?" Stefan looked at Elena with disdain. "How can you forgive him?"

"That's enough." Damon said in a dangerously low voice.

"What, are we going to forget all that's happened and be friends again?" Stefan said mockingly. "Please, you guys are not friends, you were never friends. You are never going to stop loving each other" He rolled his eyes at them. "This is just ridiculous."

"Stefan we just want the best for you." Elena said choosing to ignore his earlier comment.

"I don't want your pity." He muttered before turning around and starting to walk away.

"Stefan!" Elena shouted.

"Let him go," Damon said solemnly. "He won't hear us in the state he's in." His eyes were sad and Elena felt her heart ache for him. "Let me take you home."

"It's not necessary, thank you."

"Please, it's the least I can do." He gave her a sad smile and started to walk towards the doors of the station with Elena right behind him.

…

_She stared at the city underneath her and smiled softly, this was her first night in her new apartment, she started working __at__ a local magazine a few months ago and __she'd__ finally saved enough money to buy her own place, not that she didn't enjoy living with Jenna and Jeremy but it was time she had her own place._

_Caroline and Bonnie had helped to move of all her stuff __over__ the course of the week so she was able to enjoy her first night here today; this was her birthday present from herself. _

"_Did you enjoy your party?" __she__ felt his hot breath against her neck and she leaned into his hard chest__._

"_You know I did__.__" She whispered with a smile on her face__._

"_You haven't seen my present yet__.__" _

"_Another?" Elena said with surprise, she figured the party and the really expensive pair of shoes he got for her __were__ present enough__._

"_Yes my love__.__" Damon held her hand and twirled her around so she was now facing him__.__ "There could never be enough for you__.__" He smirked and pulled out a long black velvet box__._

"_Oh my God Damon__,__" Elena murmured in shock when she saw __the__ piece lying inside, it was a beautiful silver locket with an E carved on top__.__ "__It's__ beautiful__.__" She whispered and took the piece of jewelry in her hands before opening it. Emotion clogged __in__ her throat when she saw the picture inside, it was from a trip to Disneyland a few years ago, she and Jeremy were holding hands as their parents hugged them both from behind and the lights from the Cinderella castle illuminated the entire place__.__ "I love it__.__" She said in a strained whisper__.__ "Thank you__.__" Her brown eyes looked deeply at his so he was able to see all the emotion behind them__.__ "Can you put it on me__?__" __she__ said with a smile, he returned the __smile__ and walked behind her to place the locket around her neck__._

"_I love you__.__" He murmured before placing a soft kiss on her shoulder__._

"_I love you more__.__" Elena said turning around to kiss his lips__._

"_Let's dance__.__" Damon said with a small smile and walked towards the stereo__._

_As The Flamingos started to sing __'__I only have eyes for you__'__ Damon and Elena were wrapped in a storm of emotions, they danced around the living room while the lights of the city illuminated the place and they both knew that this was where they belonged, their safe place, and she didn't __know__ it back then but a simple moment like this was going to be the one she treasured forever, one of the last happy memories she had __of__ them._

_**Cause there we are again, when I loved you so**__**  
**_**_Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known_**

_**.**_

"Thank you for the ride." Elena said softly while looking at her building once the car stopped.

"You're welcome," Damon answered back. "Thank you for helping out Stefan."

"He's my friend, I had to help him." Elena answered sincerely. "Are you going to help him?" she asked Damon, it hurt her to see Stefan like that, he had always been so positive, so happy and to see the shell of a man he was now broke her heart completely.

"That's what I'm trying to do, but he won't let me." Damon said with a pained expression.

"You're a good brother Damon." Elena said softly and he let out a soft laugh at this. They stayed quiet after that, she couldn't move from her seat and she didn't understand why. "I slept with Kol." She whispered, her voice echoed in the silence that was the car, she didn't know why she said it but she just had to.

"What?" Damon asked under his breath.

"The guy that went with me to the party, I slept with him." Elena said looking down not being able to stare into his eyes, she didn't do anything wrong but still she was afraid of what she was going to find in his eyes. "He's the first guy I've slept since…"

"While you were in Europe… you didn't-"

"No I didn't." Elena could see Damon gripping the steering wheel with force and closed her eyes briefly, she could feel that a part of her felt like she'd betrayed him, even though she knew it wasn't the case.

Damon stayed silent, not knowing what to answer, not trusting himself to talk at the minute, the knowledge that she now belonged to another man was more than he could bear, he always wanted to avoid this kind of feeling, being out of control, being hurt, he pushed people away because of that reason but suddenly his plan backfired at him… because this surely hurt like hell.

"I'm sorry." He murmured unable to say something else.

"Sorry?" Elena looked at him for the first time since they parked and what she found in his eyes broke her heart, he wasn't angry like she thought he would be. He was hurt.

"For everything I did to you, I put you through so much Elena." Damon stated sincerely. "I always wanted to protect you but I ended up hurting you just the same."

That was her Damon, the man speaking to her right now was the man she learned to love, the one who swore to protect her and to be with her forever, this was the Damon she knew, not the man who fooled around with Matt's girlfriend, not the one who treated Caroline like crap, not the one who used her, that was the Damon he worked so hard to be, the one who scared people, the cold one, the cruel one. That was the Damon that had overshadowed hers and the worst part was that in some sick and twisted way she loved that Damon all the same, because the truth was that she loved all the parts of him, the ugly ones and the good ones, she loved him whole.

"Protect me from what?"

"From me." He said with an edge on his voice. "I think I did a lousy job right." He said with a small smirk on his face.

"Damon I-" He pressed his lips to hers softly in the most gentle of kisses, one that let her know that the man she used to know was still somewhere inside him.

"You deserve to be happy Elena, nobody deserves it more than you." He whispered against her mouth. "And if being with him makes you happy then do it." He smiled sadly at her and returned to his position in front of the steering wheel. "I won't hurt you anymore, I promise."

Elena closed her eyes; a tear rolled down her eyes, this whole situation was messed up, the only thing that would make her truly happy was being with him but he will never let her get close to him again, there was a wall that kept her out of his heart.

"Goodbye Damon." She whispered before opening the car door and leaving him behind.

….

"_Okay that was the best birthday present ever__.__" Elena said breathlessly with a satisfied smile on her face__._

"_I agree__.__" Damon said still trying to catch his breath after the amazing birthday sex they just had__._

"_God I love you__.__" Elena stated as she placed a soft kiss onto his chest__._

"_I love you too baby__.__" He said before pressing a kiss to her hair__.__ "Now how about some cake__?__" __he__ said getting up from the floor, after their dance they didn't even make it to the bedroom so they ended up making love in front of the fireplace__._

"_More cake?" Elena said half laughing__._

"_You can never have enough cake__.__" He said walking towards the kitchen in all his naked glory, something on his back __catched__ Elena's eye, something that wasn't there two days ago__._

"_Damon what's on your back?"_

"_Umm?" __he__ returned to the living room with a giant piece of chocolate cake and two spoons__._

"_The mark on your back what is it?" Elena said and once he sat on the floor again she crawled towards his back to see what he had there__.__ "Oh my God__.__" She whispered as she stared at the tattoo on his right shoulder blade__.__ "Damon__…__" Her voice was a breathless murmur as she caressed the feather on his back__._

"_Do you like it?"_

"_When did you get that?"_

"_Yesterday__.__" He said with his mouth full of cake__._

"_Does it hurt?" Elena asked still admiring the tattoo on his back__._

"_Not now__.__" She pressed a soft kiss to the mark and sat in front of him__._

"_Why did you do it?" __she__ said with a shy smile before taking a spoon __and__ eating a piece of the cake he was holding__._

"_I wanted something that __reminded__ me of you forever__.__" He said shyly not even looking at her and Elena couldn't help her heart warming at this__._

"_Well you're gonna have me forever__,__" Elena said with a smile before pressing a soft kiss to his cheek__.__ "I want one__.__" _

"_What?" Damon said with a raised brow__._

"_I want a tattoo__.__" _

"_Why would you want a tattoo?" Damon asked with a smirk__._

"_Because I want something that reminds me of you… forever__.__" She pressed a soft kiss to his lips__.__ "So I want the exact same tattoo__.__" She whispered against his mouth__._

"_Why would you want an E if you want to remember me forever?" __he__ asked teasingly__._

"_Don't be stupid I want a D with the feather__.__" _

"_Are you sure?" Damon asked with a smile__.__ "It hurts like a bitch and you're scared of needles__.__" _

"_It doesn't matter, I want it__.__" She said with conviction __in__ her voice__._

"_Okay then, if that's what you want. Even though I'm pretty sure you're going to run away screaming like a little girl once __we're__ inside the store__.__" He said laughing before pressing a chocolate kiss __onto__ her cheek__._

_She laughed with him and removed the plate from his hand so she was able to lay him down on the floor__.__ "I love you__.__" She said softly before kissing his lips and __joining__ their bodies together once again._

_This feeling__,__ she was going to remember it forever._

_It was happiness. _

_**It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well**_

The minute Damon got to his apartment he poured out a glass of bourbon, he couldn't keep the images of Elena and that guy out of his head, she didn't belong to him anymore, she was with someone else now, she had given him her body… now she would give him her heart.

This was what he wanted from the very beginning, for her to be away from him, but right now he felt as if his heart was ripped out of his chest, tonight he told her goodbye, forever. He wouldn't bother her anymore, he was going to let her be happy, let her have the big house with the white fence and the perfect husband, he was letting her have her happy ending.

He was on his third glass when a knock on the door interrupted his depressing thoughts; he wasn't in the mood to deal with anybody right now so he cursed when the knocking turned persistent. He yanked the door open and what he found him let him frozen, this was the last person he wanted to see tonight.

"Katherine…"

* * *

**Cliffhanger! I know, I'm evil lol I really hope you enjoyed this, I would love to heart what you think on this chapter so please leave me a review. Thank you so much to everyone reading this, I will make sure to answer each one of your reviews personally. You guys are the best, you have no idea how happy it make me to know that you like my story.**

**Also thanks to Amy who's always helping me out to edit my stories, she's amazing! **

**Again. Thank You!**


	9. And The World Sipins Madly On

**_I'm so sorry for the delay, truly. But my beta has been kind of busy. _**

**_I really really hope you're still sticking up with me on this stoory and that you enjoy the new chapter_**

**_Please tell me what you think of it in a review_**

**_Huge Thanks to Amy for correcting this for me_**

* * *

_Say goodnight not goodbye_

_You will never leave my heart behind_

_Like the path of a star I'll be anywhere you are_

_In the sparks that lies beneath the coals_

_In the secret place inside your soul_

**_Say goodnight not goodbye –Beth Nielsen Chapman-_**

_._

_._

How could life change so much in a matter of minutes? His whole world had crumbled down the minute he woke up in that hospital bed, he would give anything to go back in time and change things, he would find a way to save her… but he couldn't go back, no.

"How am I supposed to keep going?" he murmured between sobs in the darkness. "I can't do this without you." He placed a kiss to the cold headstone. "Bex, I need you."

He had loved her since the first moment he laid eyes on her, she was everything he ever dreamed of and she captured his heart that first moment in the school hall. For many years his entire life was about her, he never pictured his life without her… in his head there was no space for an idea like that, what was he supposed to do now?

"I can't do this anymore, I can't." He broke down in tears once again. He felt helpless, so empty. The knowledge that he would never again see her smiling was breaking him slowly, that he would never hold her or kiss her… why wasn't she with him?

How are you supposed to keep going when a part of your heart is gone? He didn't want to feel anything anymore, he wanted to be numb like Damon was, he wanted to turn it all off, it all hurt too much… and he couldn't handle it anymore.

"I knew I would find you here," Stefan lifted his eyes to find Caroline walking towards him. "In a cemetery at night? This is really creepy Stef." She said trying to joke around.

"What do you want Care?"

"I came here to talk to you." She said sitting next to him in front of Rebekah's grave.

"Why?" he muttered closing his eyes, he loved Caroline but the last thing he needed was more people hovering above him every five minutes.

"Because you stayed with me while I cried the whole night when my parents got divorced." The blonde girl said with a small smile. "Because you helped me get on my feet when Matt broke up with me."

"Caroline you don't have to-"

"Because you've been there for me in every hard moment of my life Stefan… I want to be here for you." Caroline got close to him and smoothed his hair off his forehead. "You need help Stefan and I'm going to help you… you're not alone."

"I don't know what to do Caroline… I don't know." He broke down in tears once again as she embraced him tightly. "I need help." His voice was muffled against her shoulder as she rocked him softly. "This isn't the man she wanted me to be… and I don't know how to be that person anymore."

"It's okay Stefan, I'm here for you" She said softly while he cried his heart out "Everything's going to be okay, you'll get through this…we're all here for you"

Stefan was like a brother to him, he and Damon were always an important part of her life, she couldn't help Damon but she was going to help Stefan, she wasn't going to let him deal with this alone. He needed her, his friend needed her.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" he asked through gritted teeth. After the horrible night he just had the last thing he needed was to see this woman on his doorstep.

"Damon I need to talk to you." Katherine said in a soft voice. She looked so damn innocent, everyone who didn't truly know her could believe that she was a good woman, Damon cursed mentally, he was one of those people who actually believed it.

"I don't have anything to say to you Kat," Damon said with a smirk and tried to close the door but she pushed it open before he could do it. "Don't you take a no for an answer?"

"Not this time Damon." She said a bit harsher. "This is important, I'm not asking you to forgive me or to care about me again, I'm just asking you to hear me out."

"Why would I do that?" Damon said in a hard voice, his glacial blue eyes stared deeply at her, this woman didn't even deserve for him to look at her.

"Because I've changed Damon." She whispered softly and Damon let out a sardonical laugh at this.

"People don't change Kat."

"You did." She stated. "Or at least that's what I've heard, you're the ruthless Damon Salvatore now, the hard, cruel man… not even the shell of the sweet boy you once were."

It shocked him to hear her say those words to him, her of all people had the right to come here and judge him? Who the hell did she think she was? And at the same time, her words cut deep into his heart… a woman like Katherine was calling him cruel? Who was this person he'd turned into?

"Like I said I have nothing to talk about with you." He said not even looking at her anymore.

"Fine." She sighed. "I can see you've had a hard night and you're pretty upset, so I'll go." Katherine whispered. "But I'll be back Damon, this can't wait anymore" She gave him one last look before walking away from his apartment.

Damon shut the door and immediately went to pour himself another drink; he could never get a break, could he? This night was turning into one of the worst of his life.

First he had to get his brother out of jail, then he found out Elena had slept with that son of a bitch and now Satan's wife had showed up at his doorstep, couldn't he get one good night at least?

He slumped on the couch and closed his eyes while he nursed a bottle of bourbon, everything would be so much better if he could just stop feeling, he couldn't hold it in anymore, it hurt so much.

He needed to see her, it didn't matter what he'd said to her, he needed her.

.

**_Don't you fear when you dream_**

**_Waking up is never what it seems_**

**_Like a jewel buried deep_**

**_Like a promise meant to keep_**

_._

"_What are you saying?" __he__ shouted at his father__._

"_Don't yell at me kid, don't forget who's in charge__.__" Giuseppe said in a glacial tone__.__ "It is what it is, Damon__,__ I can't have you here anymore__.__"_

"_But why?__"__ The younger man said with desperation__.__ "This is what I've been working for since I was at school dad, you can't do this to me__.__" Working at the Salvatore Corporation had been Damon's dream since he was a little kid, he had __spent__ most of his childhood in the corridors of the place and it had become like a sanctuary for him__._

"_This is my company, so I can__.__" His father stated seriously__._

"_Just give me a good reason__.__" Damon said under his breath__. __"It's the least I deserve__.__" After what happened with Katherine he hoped maybe his father had a change of heart and realized that the way he had been treating __him__ was wrong, but Giuseppe's heart was __as__ black as night. Sometimes he wondered why he was still standing all this crap from him. _

"_You're not good enough__.__" His words were a sting to Damon's heart__.__ "I need someone who can give this company the push it needs, and __that's__ not you Damon__.__"_

"_What are you talking about?!" Damon asked more than a little bit upset__.__ "I've done everything __you've__ asked me __to__ and even more, I've __spent__ nights here working, how can you tell me that I'm not enough__?__"_

"_Damon don't take this the personal way__.__" His father said while looking deeply at him__.__ "It's just business, you're not what this company needs and I could never forgive myself if my empire went down because of you__.__" He spoke each word carefully and Damon wanted nothing more __than to__ wipe that satisfied expression __off__ his face, how could his own father hate him so much? He had no doubt now, that __this__ man had no love for him._

"_Go to hell__.__" He muttered before storming out of the office__._

_What was he going to do now? Working __for__ the company had been his dream all along, he had no other plan, he didn't want to do anything else, what was he supposed to do now? He got to his car and turned the engine on immediately, all he wanted do was go home and have a moment of solitude, he needed to think __about__ things; he needed to __re-think__ his whole life. But he needed to see his mother first, she had been depressed lately and he didn't __want__ to leave her alone for a long time. _

_The beeping of his phone caught his attention and he looked at the __device__ to see it was Elena calling, he muttered a curse and dropped the phone on the passenger seat, she had been promoted and they were going to celebrate it tonight, but he was in no mood, she got promoted and he got kicked out of his work __by__ his own father… another proof that he was no good for her. _

_What could he offer her? He did everything wrong, he was a __loser.__ She deserved so much more, someone who could be __a__ part of the life she dreamed about, not someone who would hold her back like he did, he didn't even __know__ why she loved him._

_He had never felt __these__ doubts before, never, not even when he was with Katherine. With the other girls __he'd__ have fun, everyone knew that Damon Salvatore was a man with no strings attached, he __didn't__ care what they __thought__ of him, but with Elena it had been different, even when they were just friends, he always cared what she tough of him… and he always felt he was __not__ worthy of her. _

_When he got to his __parents'__ house he realized that this day was only getting worse by the minute, Katherine's car was parked in the driveway, she probably came to disturb his mother and that was something he wasn't going to let happen._

"_Get out of my house! Get out right now!" The minute he opened the door he heard his mother shouting__.__ "Get the hell away from here!"_

"_I think you heard my mother Kat__.__" Damon said __harshly__ when he got to the living room and found his ex-girlfriend arguing with his mother__._

"_Damon this is not your business__.__" Katherine answered hardly__._

"_You're in my house so __it's__ my business__.__" He told her with a hard glance that left her cold in her spot__._

"_I'm pregnant Damon__.__"_

"_Stop it__,__ stop it!" His mother shouted while tears fell from her eyes__._

"_Is he-?" Damon felt his stomach churn at the woman's declaration, the __thought__ of Katherine carrying a child of his __father's__ was more than he could __bare._

"_Yes, Damon. He's the father__.__" _

"_You knew?" The accusing blue eyes of his mother stared at him__._

"_Mom I-"_

"_How could you do this to me Damon?" __she__ shouted between sobs__.__ "I __thought__ that you actually cared about me__!__" _

"_Mom all I wanted was to protect you from all this__.__" He said with desperation, the knowledge that __he'd__ hurt his mother was enough to bring him to his knees__.__ "And you, you had no right to come here and __disturb__ her with your words__.__" His voice dripping with venom while directing __his words __to Katherine__._

"_Damon I need help__.__"_

"_Well you're not getting it from me__.__" He stated coldly before gripping her arm and dragging her out of his house while she kept telling him to stop, he didn't __care.__ She hurt his mother and he was never going to forgive her for it._

"_Mom__.__" He whispered when he entered the living room again and found her crying __on__ the couch, her face hiding between her hands__.__ "I never wanted to hurt you__.__"_

"_You're just like him__.__" She muttered between sobs__.__ "All you do is hurt__.__"_

"_Mom!" Damon said in a broken voice as the hard stab in his chest stopped him from talking properly__.__ "How can you say that to me__?__"_

"_Go Damon__!__" __she__ cried__.__ "Just go__.__" Her words cutting deeper in him __than__ anything ever before. His mother hated him just like his father… what was wrong with him?_

_Why couldn't they love him__?_

**_You are everything you ought to be_**

**_So just let your heart reach out to me_**

**_Keep my life in your eyes_**

**_Say goodnight not goodbye_**

_._

Elena had been lying on her bed for the last two hours and she still wasn't able to sleep, her talk with Damon was still nagging at her. The fact that she couldn't take him out of her mind was really frustrating, she loved him and she probably always will.

When she felt that sleep was slowly taking her she heard a knock on the door and cursed under her breath at whoever was crazy enough to show up at her door at this time of the night, she wasn't meant to sleep tonight. She got up from the bed and wrapped herself in her lilac silk robe that was hanging by the door.

Her breath was caught in her throat when the door revealed a very confused Damon Salvatore, his eyes were red and swollen and she could tell that he had been drinking, then again, Damon was always drinking these days.

"Are you okay?" she murmured softly.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course." She whispered and moved aside so he was able to walk into the apartment. "What's wrong?" she asked while sitting on a corner of the couch as he sat on the other one.

"Katherine came to see me." He said looking down.

"Oh." Elena couldn't help the raging jealousy that ran through her body at the mention of that woman's name. That bitch had broken Damon's heart in so many ways and the knowledge that he was in the state he was right now was because of her made her blood burn with anger. "What did she want?"

"I don't know I didn't let her speak." Damon said closing his eyes shut and throwing his head back so it could rest on top of the couch. "I needed to see you."

"Damon I-"

"I miss who I used to be." His voice was a soft whisper and Elena felt her heart breaking at his words. "I don't know what happened to me… I don't know how I got here."

"Damon." Elena whispered while getting close to him, she could feel the tears threaten to fall from her eyes at the sight of him.

"I know that I'm once again being unfair to you by telling you all this shit, but you're the only person I can talk to." His voice broke down at the end of the sentence and she could see the small tears falling from his eyes. "I got lost along the way Elena and I really don't know how to come back now… and how can I help my brother if I can't even help me? I don't know what to do anymore, this isn't how it was supposed to be…"

Elena leaned into him and pressed her forehead to his cheek while she felt his tears soaking her face. "I hate the person I turned into… do you know what it's like to wake up every day and despise the person that looks at you in the mirror? To not recognize him? I never wanted to be this person Lena… but I guess I never really had a choice." He said sardonically.

"What do you mean?" she whispered while putting her arm across his waist as he encircled her with his arms.

"I was always doomed to turn into him." He whispered absently.

"What are you talking about?" Elena asked but she didn't get an answer. "Why do I feel that there's a part of the story you're not telling me?"

"I can't." He whispered. "The last thing I ever wanted was to taint you with my shitty life Lena." She felt his arms tightening around her and couldn't hold her tears in any longer, this man, the man that was with her right now was the one man she was always going to love, he was hurt and broken and she wanted nothing more than to fix him. "But I did it anyway, I dragged you into all this misery."

"Let me help you Damon."

"You can't." He said with despair in his voice. "All I do is hurt you Elena and every time that I promise I won't do it anymore I… I end up doing it anyway, but I don't know how to let go of you." Elena lifted her head to see his troubled blue eyes, she had never seen him like this, he was desperate, he was completely shattered.

"Maybe you don't have to." She said softly, she was wearing her heart on her sleeve right now, she needed for him to understand that if he wanted it, she would always be there for him. "Damon, I love you and I probably always will but before you and I were involved in a relationship, we were friends."

Whether it was romantically or not, Damon had always been a part of her life, it could sound stupid but it was as if her life didn't exist before him, her world would never be the same if he wasn't in it, for a long time he was the only constant in her life, the one person she knew would never leave, she missed that.

"I miss my friend, I miss him more than anything Damon." His glossy blue eyes stared at her and she could see there the lost boy he used to be back then. "I miss the twelve year old who sat with me when I hurt my knee, I miss the man who told me everything would be fine the night my parents died, I miss my best friend."

"I miss him too." He murmured in a broken voice. "But he's not here anymore… and I could never ask you to love the man that replaced him."

"You don't have to." Elena stated sincerely, she didn't really care how sick she was for that, but she loved the man he was now, just like she loved the person he was back then. "I will always love you no matter what, after everything Damon… haven't you realized it? There's nothing you could ever say or do that will make me stop loving you."

"That's the worst part Elena." He said in a hard voice. "That no matter what I do you won't stop loving me."

"Damon, what are you saying?" Elena asked brokenly.

"I wasn't worthy of you before Elena, you always deserved more than me." His troubled eyes stared at her deeply. "I always held you back, interfered with your life… When I was with you I felt like I didn't even deserve to touch you… you were meant for more Elena… I didn't deserve you back then, much less now."

"Damon that's not true."

"It is true!" he shouted. "I keep hurting you over and over again and you keep forgiving me." He said with despair in his voice. "How can I deserve you if you're so good and kind, you're trying to comfort the man who destroyed you… how can I be worthy of you?" His tears were soaking his face as his blue eyes stared deeply at her. "And it scares me Elena." He said with an edge in his voice. "I don't want to see you turn into my mother."

"Oh Damon." She murmured before placing her lips to his kissing him softly. This kiss was the sweetest moment he'd experienced in the last few weeks, it was a kiss where she showed him that their love was still intact but it was also a kiss where he realized his words were true, she was an amazing woman, and he'd been a monster for the last few years.

"I love you Elena, I will always love you." His blue eyes showed nothing more than sincerity as they looked at her. "I want you to know that there's never going to be another woman for me, you took my whole heart with you." Damon kissed her forehead gently before getting up from the couch. "But you should be with someone who can give you what you need, what you deserve."

"Damon… I love you." Her brown eyes stared at him while thousands of emotions went through them.

"Goodbye Elena." He said while a sad smile tugged at his lips, this was the second time he'd let her go that night… but deep down he knew that he would always return to her.

"Goodnight Damon." Elena said smiling softly at him.

* * *

"So, do you know something?" Elena asked while biting her lip nervously. She was sitting across from Alaric on the couch, she called him first thing in the morning, he was Damon's closest friend now and if someone could know what was going on with him, it would be Ric.

"No, Elena, I really don't. Damon didn't tell me anything about it." The blonde man said calmly. "I think you're truly the only one he can talk to."

"Something's wrong with him Ric… and I feel so helpless." Elena said closing her eyes briefly. "I don't know what to do to help him." The despair in her voice was evident.

She hadn't been able to sleep properly after Damon left last night, the image of his broken face was still haunting her, and she would be dammed if she didn't find a way to help him.

"You just have to wait for him to come around." Ric said softly. "If Damon doesn't want to share something you can't make him."

"But you do realize that something's different this time?"

"Yeah, he's shutting us out, again." Ric let out a huff. "He's a complicated man Elena."

"Tell me about it." The girl said rolling her eyes at him. "I need to do something to help him Ric, you may not understand it or you can think that I'm crazy or I'm a masochist but I just need to help him."

"I know Elena, I would never think you're crazy for wanting to help him." The elder man gave her a sad smile.

"This is so frustrating." Elena said anxiously. "I think I would be able to crack his wall faster if he was far away from Giuseppe." She said with bitterness in her voice. She hated that man, he was the reason Damon turned this way, she was sure of it. He was the only one guilty of that. "I don't even know why he is still working for him, why didn't he run far away from him?"

"He's his father Elena." Alaric stated simply.

"A crappy father, he doesn't even deserve to be called father." The venom in her voice was evident, there was no doubt that the older man didn't hold a place in the girl's heart. "I mean I don't even know why after everything he did to him… why he stayed."

"Because he's his father anyway Elena and Damon loves him, he always did." Ric said and Elena was surprised to see how much he actually knew Damon. "You see Elena, kids are like dogs, you knock them around enough and they'll start thinking they did something to deserve it, that's how he always controlled him, he always made him feel like he wasn't worth it."

"I know." Elena whispered softly, remembering her talk with Damon last night.

"Damon stays with Giuseppe because he thinks it's what he deserves, he never felt worthy of you, so he accepts what he has right now because he doesn't think he deserves more, that's what he made him believe."

Elena closed her eyes briefly, she wanted nothing more than to hold him against her and tell him how much she loved him, in so many ways Damon was still a lost boy, who loved too much but didn't get much in return.

"Damon was all alone Elena, his father used to beat the crap out of him and his mother was too scared to do something, I don't know what would have happened with him if it wasn't for you… you helped him get through all of that." Elena nodded slowly, if she closed her eyes she could still picture his bruised face after his father hit him, he was always brave trying to pretend it didn't hurt but Elena knew that those punches were branded on his soul.

"And Damon was always there to take care of and protect Stefan… because nobody else was going to do it." Elena whispered softly, Damon had carried so much during the years, no boy should stand such a weight on his back.

"Exactly." Ric nodded. "Damon grew up receiving anger and pain instead of love Elena, that's why he lashes out whenever someone gets close… because sometimes he forgets that he's safe now, that no one can harm him… so he strikes out and defends himself because he believes nobody else will."

Elena could feel the tears threatening to fall from her eyes, the words Ric were saying were burning deep inside her, she always knew Damon was a lost boy but hearing someone else talk about it so openly was breaking her heart, she felt so sad for him, what happened to him didn't justify everything he had done, but it helped her understand.

"When you came back… you turned his world upside down again." Ric said with a small smile. "That's why he's lashing out again… he's afraid to let you in."

"But I will never hurt him." Elena said softly. "He's the one who's been hurting me."

"I know… and that's why I could never ask you to forgive him, hell I don't even know if I could forgive him if I were you… but I'm asking you to understand." His eyes bored into hers. "This is up to you Elena. You're the one who has to decide if you can take the leap of faith on him."

Elena nodded softly, could she do it? Could she open herself up to him once again?

* * *

**P.S I used one of my favorites LOST quotes from a wonderful moment between Jack and Sawyer, If you liked LOST I'm sure you were able to spot it :)**


	10. You thought your future was with me

**_Okay, I'm so so sorry that I've taken so long to update, but I'm having a huge writter's block! It's terrible...that's why I haven't updated my other in story in like 3 months, luckly I'm on vacations now and maybe my muse will be back at full force soon. I really hope so, anyway thank you a lot to everyone still reading this, your support means the world to me, truly._**

**_I really hope you enjoy this chapter._**

**_Thanks a lot to Amy for correcting this for me_**

**_Love, _**

**_Sam_**

* * *

_Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,_

_And maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up._

_Running scared, I was there; I remember it all too well_

_**All Too Well –Taylor Swift-** _

_._

_She stared at him not knowing what to do to help him. When her parents had died he had been the one who __helped__ her get over it. He was there the entire night holding her tight while she cried, she had needed him more than anything in that moment, but right now she was afraid that she may not be the one he needed._

_His mother had died four days ago and he was a mess. Stefan had cried the whole time but he didn't shed a tear, not even one. Elena was worried about him, he was keeping all that __grief__ and pain inside of him and she was afraid it was going to eat him up whole._

"_How is he?" Alaric asked while taking a seat next to her on the couch__._

"_I don't think he's fine Ric__,__" Elena murmured__.__ "I mean just look at him__.__" _

_Alaric stared at his friend as he poured himself another glass of bourbon, they were all at the Salvatore mansion trying to support their friends who just lost their mother but none of them knew how to help Damon; he was always a complicated person but now __he __was even worse._

"_I don't know what to do anymore Ric__,__" Elena admitted in a defeated tone__.__ "I… I really don't know how to help him__.__" _

"_Yeah I know the feeling__,__" Ric whispered__.__ "Maybe we just need to let it be for a while Elena__.__" The elder man stared sympathetically at the girl next to him. There was absolutely no doubt that she was head over __heels__ in love with his friend._

"_What are you two doing? Plotting against me?" Damon said while getting __closer__ to them, he could barely stand on his feet by now__._

"_No__.__" Elena said looking down__._

"_Really__? Because__ that's what it __looked like__ to me__.__" He said in a hard voice__._

"_Damon we just want to help__.__" Ric said getting up from the couch__._

"_Well I don't need your help__!__" __he__ spat at his __friend's__ face__._

"_Damon please__.__" Elena said getting up as well and staring deeply at him__._

"_Oh yes of course how stupid of me__,__" __he__ smacked his __hand__ against his forehead in a dramatic gesture__.__ "I forgot that I was one of Elena __Gilbert's__ charity projects__.__" _

"_Damon __it's__ not like that__.__" She said softly__._

"_Of course it is, you want to fix me, that's what you wanted all along, to fix the poor bastard who can't do __anything__ right__.__" He looked at her with disdain__.__ "Now you're going to tell me that you understand what I'm going __through__ because your parents __died__ too bla bla bla__.__" _

"_Damon that's enough__.__" Ric said in a hard tone__._

"_No, I want all of you to understand I don't need your help, I don't __need __any of you__.__" His eyes __were blood-shot__ as he stared at them__.__ "So back off, leave!" _

"_Damon-" She whispered under her breath__._

"_Didn't you hear me Elena? Leave!" __he__ shouted at her__.__ "I don't need you here__!__" _

_She didn't say anything as Ric took her hand and dragged her out of the house, __but__ tears kept streaming down her face; her heart was breaking because of him, because he was hurting and his pain was her pain too. She wasn't upset because of the way __he'd__ treated her, she understood __that __he was going through so much. _

_She wanted to be there for him, she wanted to help him. _

* * *

"Talk, you wanted to talk, so do it." Damon said in a hard voice while taking a seat in front of Katherine at his dining room table.

"I'm getting married." The girl said in a soft whisper and Damon couldn't help but laugh out loud at this which earned him a nasty glare from her.

"And I'm incredibly sorry for the poor guy," he said with a smirk on his face. "But I doubt you're here to invite me to the wedding."

"You're right." She closed her eyes briefly before taking a deep breath. "I came here because I've changed Damon, this man, this incredible man who actually wants to marry me has changed me, he made me realize all the mistakes I've made in the past, he made me want to be a better person." Damon couldn't believe what he was hearing, but what was even more incredible was the fact that she actually sounded sincere, but then she also sounded sincere all those years ago. "And I want you to know that if I could go back in time I would change all of what I did to you, there's nothing I regret more than all the damage I did to your family, that is why I'm here."

"I don't understand," Damon said shaking his head. "You can't change the past Katherine and I really don't want your apologies, why show up here? Couldn't you just send a card?" he said shrugging.

"No." She stated. "To be able to move on with my life I need to be able to get rid of all this I'm carrying, I can't keep doing this anymore."

"What do you mean?" Damon asked with genuine curiosity this time.

Katherine took a deep breath and opened the bag she was holding, Damon hadn't noticed the object until now. "In this folder is all you need to know how to bring down your father." He swore there was an inkling of fear in her eyes.

"Kat, what are you talking about?"

"Damon your father has been doing some very nasty tricks since a long time ago; he's been committing fraud after fraud over the years, why do you think he doesn't let you have full control of the company yet? Because you'll know what he's been doing."

"This can't be true." Damon said more to himself than to her. He couldn't believe what the girl was saying, Giuseppe Salvatore might be a terrible father but Damon had never doubted his skills as a business man, an honest one.

"Why do you think I disappeared so suddenly?" Katherine stared deeply at him. "I found out and I knew what he would do to me if he found out I knew, so I fled as fast as I could."

"No," Damon shook his head. "What are you saying? My father would never hurt you." Damon said with conviction, he knew that his father could be a cruel man but he'd never imagined that he would be capable of hurting Katherine in any way.

"There was someone else who knew Damon," Katherine said looking down. "Grayson Gilbert had some business with your father and when he found out what he was doing he broke off the partnership, he was going to give him away."

"No! No, No!" Damon shouted while getting up from the chair, he didn't like the way this conversation was going.

"But your father silenced him before he could talk." Katherine said with a trembling voice.

"You're lying, you evil bitch!" he spat at her face. His blue eyes turned cold and fiery and for a moment she was afraid of him, but then she remembered that Damon was not his father and he would never be like him.

"He set up the accident Damon, he's the guilty one who caused the death of Elena's parents." Katherine murmured and he closed his eyes cursing softly. "All the proof is in the folder I just gave you; I stole it before running away."

"Why didn't you say anything before?" he whispered in a trembling voice.

"Because I was scared Damon." She said softly and he knew that she was five seconds from crying, he'd never seen her cry before.

"Did he- was he?" he couldn't even form the question right, in his mind there was no space for such an atrocity.

"Yes." She whispered knowing exactly what he wanted to ask. "It was his fault that I lost my baby." A tiny sob left her body and Damon was tempted to hold her but didn't do anything instead. "You don't know what he's capable of."

"And what do you expect me to do?"

"You know what you have to do Damon." She stated simply.

"He's my father Katherine." Damon said in a defeated tone.

"I know Damon, and trust me I know this is hard on you but it's the right thing to do." She said softly. "Don't you owe at least that to Elena?" she said in a whisper, she knew that using the girl was a low blow but it was going to be the only way to make Damon understand, she'd kept quiet for so long because of the fear but not anymore, she refused to let fear dominate her life again.

"Don't you mention her Katherine." Damon said as if he was in pain. The idea that Elena's life was somehow tainted due to his fault since the beginning was more than what he could bear, how was he going to be able to look at her and know that his father had killed her family? She was finally going to pull completely away from him. Like he had wanted all those years ago.

"Damon I'll help you, I'll do whatever you want me to do. But this has to end, we can't let your father keep doing this." She took a deep breath. "You know I'm right."

"I know you are but it's just... I don't know if I'm capable." He said looking down, he hated the fact that this woman was seeing a vulnerable side to him again.

"Yes you are." She reached across the table and held his hand. "Damon you are capable of so many things, you are a strong man, you don't need him. You'll do the right thing because of her."

Damon closed his eyes and cursed mentally. Katherine was right, he couldn't let his father get away with this, he ruined Elena's life and he had to pay for it. During his whole life she had been the one that kept him moving, his love for her was the one thing that ever made sense.

He wasn't letting her down again; he had been doing that a lot lately but not anymore. She was the strength he needed, she was everything.

* * *

_The strong smell of alcohol woke her up, she scrunched her nose and tried to figure out where it was coming from as she was slowly drifting back to consciousness. Then she felt a pair of arms circling her and hands resting at her belly, locking her against a hard lean body as soft wet kisses were placed __on__ her neck._

"_What the hell?" __she__ murmured trying to release herself from the embrace__._

"_Shhh __it's__ me__.__" A voice she knew too well whispered against her ear__._

"_Damon? What are you doing here?" __she__ turned around to face him, still trapped in his strong embrace__._

"_I'm so sorry__.__" He whispered before placing his lips on hers__._

"_Damon you're drunk__.__" She chastised him__.__ "You shouldn't have __drove__ here__.__" _

"_But I needed you__.__" He pouted like a little kid and started placing kisses along her collarbone__._

"_How did you get in anyway?"_

"_Spare key__.__" He whispered with a smirk before kissing her again as his hand stroked her breast __through__ the material of her night gown__._

"_Damon stop__.__" _

"_Don't you want me?" __he__ asked her with a broken voice__.__ "I'm so sorry Elena, for what I __said__ to you… I didn't mean to__.__"_

"_I know baby, I know__.__" She whispered softly before pressing a kiss to his forehead__._

"_It's just__,__ it hurts so much__.__" He said in a strained whisper before letting his head rest at her chest__.__ "I miss her and I'm scared, I __feel__ like my heart is being ripped out of my chest__.__" Elena stroked his hair softly__._

"_I know Damon, I know it hurts. But I'm here, __we're__ all here for you__.__" He pressed his face harder into her chest as his arms __tightened__ more around her small frame__._

"_Why did she leave us? Didn't she __love__ us enough?" __he__ asked brokenly__._

"_Of course she did Damon. She died, she didn't leave because she wanted __to.__" She said softly to him. It broke her heart to see him like this._

"_Would you forgive me?" __he__ whispered__._

"_Of course Damon__.__"_

"_You're never going to leave me right?" __he__ said while lifting his head to look at her__._

"_Never__.__"_

"_Promise?"_

"_Yes__.__"_

_He kissed her with all he had and she responded to him with the same desperation, she wanted to let him know he was loved. His hands started stroking her bare legs__.__ "I need you Elena__.__" He muttered against her mouth as the robe started to go up her body._

"_I know__.__" She whispered before removing his shirt and feeling the hard planes of his chest underneath her hands__._

_Before both of them had time to react their clothes __were__ lying __on__ the floor and they were holding each other with nothing between them, their skin molding together as one. _

_He buried himself inside her and she gasped at the sensation, it would never stop amazing her, the feel of him moving inside her, he thrusted __into__ her with despair, his passion overflowing his senses, the need to __possess__ her was too much for him. It was as if he needed to reassure himself that she still belonged to him. _

"_Damon__.__" His name __came__ out __of__ her lips in a breathy moan and he knew he wasn't going to be able to hold it much longer. He took his hand and placed it between their bodies to flick __at __her clit a few times, needing her to come with him, to share that moment with her__._

"_I love you__.__" He whispered against her ear and __that__ was all it took, they both exploded at the same time, her nails raking down his back as his hands gripped her hips roughly. All of his pain, love, regret was being emptied inside her and she took it all greedily. Needing to reassure him that she still belonged to him and she always will. _

_He rolled onto his back and dragged her to lay on his chest; both of them still trying to regain control of their breathing__.__ "Tell me__.__" He whispered possessively__._

"_I love you__.__" She whispered softly before drifting to sleep__._

* * *

Damon was lying on his bed still unable to sleep. Katherine's visit had turned his life upside down and he didn't know how to handle the situation. First thing in the morning he would go talk with Ric, being a lawyer he would know what to do about the information Katherine had handed him.

Could his father be capable of all the atrocities she claimed? Yes, he could. He saw the proof. What was Stefan going to say about all of this? How was it going to affect him? There was so much going on in his head that he didn't even know where to start.

And then of course there was Elena, the only person in this world he loved unconditionally, the girl he swore to protect all those years ago, she would be the most affected in this situation, to learn that her parents were murdered was going to be incredibly hard on her and this time he won't be there to pick up the pieces, he couldn't. It was his family who hurt her; he couldn't look at her knowing it was his father's fault.

He heard a knock on the door and decided to ignore it, whoever it was would have to wait until tomorrow, because right now he was emotionally drained, he couldn't handle anyone. However the knocking didn't stop and he cursed under his breath, one night, he just wanted one night in peace.

All his curses died in his throat the minute he opened the door and saw the petite brunette standing on his doorstep.

"Elena?" he whispered softly.

"Can I come in?" she murmured under her breath and Damon had to suppress a laugh at how similar this situation was from two nights ago when he showed up at her doorstep.

"Sure."

"We need to talk." The brunette girl said with determination.

"I don't think this is the best time Lena." Damon said before rubbing his eyes, he didn't have the strength to handle this right now.

"Because it will never be the right time, so it has to be now." She said hardly and Damon half expected for her to stomp her foot next.

"Okay, then what's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" she spat angrily at him "The problem is I love you, I love you so damn much that after all the shit you did to me I still can't help loving you, the problem is that you are an insensitive asshole who keeps ruining all the good things in his life." She walked closer to where he was standing completely speechless at her little outburst. "The problem is that I know you still love me, you always have but for some stupid reason that I can't understand you try to push me away all the time."

"Elena please." Damon murmured not being able to look into her eyes, not after what he'd learned today, couldn't she wait until he had assimilated it all? No, she had to come and pour her heart out tonight.

"No, I want answers and I want them now Damon." The determination in her eyes was something he had never seen before and it excited him in all kinds of ways. "You said it to me two days ago, you said you still love me."

"I know but-"

"Then tell me now or deny it if it's not true." She shoved her hand against his chest, "but I want to hear the truth from your lips. So tell me."

"You want the truth?" he spat at her. "Well Elena the truth is that I fucking love you, I do, yes, like the first day or maybe even more." His blue eyes blazed with an emotion she couldn't put a name on. "But we could never work for so many reasons, trust me. You're better off without me, I could never be a part of the life you want for yourself, I could never be the man you deserve."

"And don't you think that is my decision?" she barked back at him. "Don't I have a word in all of this?"

"Elena-"

"No, you won't push me away this time Damon, I won't let you." She spat hardly at him before taking his lips in a bruising kiss. He gripped her hips roughly as he poured all of his frustration, fear, anger, love, in that kiss. This was going to be a long night after all.

She wanted the truth; he was going to show her how much he fucking loved her.


	11. Casually Cruel

_You call me up again just to break me like a promise._

_So casually cruel in the name of being honest._

_I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here._

_Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well._

**All Too Well –Taylor Swift-**

.

_._

_Elena couldn't sleep, she kept tossing and turning around in bed, waiting for the sleep to take over, but it refused to come. The last few months had been the worst of her life, in a matter of minutes her whole life __had __crumbled down once again and the one person she trusted truly was not there to help her this time. _

_She couldn't understand how he had changed so much, she knew he was having a hard time with his mother's death and all but it was as if __he'd__ turned into someone else completely, the man among them wasn't Damon anymore, and she didn't __know__ how much longer she was going to stand it._

_He was her boyfriend, her lover but most __importantly__ her best friend and she felt __incredibly__ disconnected __from__ him right now, she was always able to know what was going on in his head, she could even predict his actions but not anymore, she didn't __know__ that man, he was a complete stranger to her. But what truly scared her was that she still loved him, she loved that stranger just like she loved her Damon._

_After a couple hours she felt sleep starting to come, her eyes were growing heavier and she felt herself being __swept__ off to dreamland, the only place she could be happy these days. But then she heard it, the sound of footsteps approaching her._

"_Baby__.__" She heard the slurred voice of the man she used to know so well__.__ "Elena__.__" The bed shifted beside her and __a __pair of arms locked themselves around her from behind__.__ "Wake up__.__"_

"_I'm tired Damon, let me sleep__.__" She muttered under her breath, she didn't have the patience to handle him right now, not when he reeked of alcohol and __a __cheap woman's perfume._

"_But I want to make love to you__.__" He whispered in her ear while a grin appeared on his face__._

"_But I don't want you to__.__" Elena whispered, she could feel tears __threatening__ to fall from her eyes. She didn't __know__ how much longer she could stand this, it was not a secret that Damon was cheating on her, hell their entire circle of people knew that by now. She was the joke among the people who knew them. Because she wasn't strong enough to leave him._

"_But you love me__.__" He said before placing a soft kiss behind her ear__._

"_Yes I do__.__" She said while closing her eyes._

_Caroline and Bonnie couldn't understand how she was still with him, but they didn't __know__ what it was to love with such intensity, being with him was hard but being without him would be harder. This had come to be their weekend routine, he would go off to some bar and drink himself to death, then screw a random girl and after that he would go and cuddle with her, it repulsed her to know that he was buried inside someone else before going to her but it sickened her more to know how weak she was for accepting him back. A part of her didn't really __care__ that he was screwing half the city because at the end __of the day __he always returned back to her. And that made her really pathetic. _

"_I'll be good, I promise__.__" He said softly and in that moment he sounded more like a little boy __than__ the man __he'd grown__ up to be__.__ "But please let me stay with you__.__"_

"_Fine__.__" She answered coldly__._

"_Don't be mad at me__.__" He whispered before tightening his hold on her__.__ "I hate when you're mad at me__.__" _

"_Then stop doing what you're doing__.__" Elena answered brokenly__._

"_I'll try baby, I'll do it for you__.__" He promised before placing a wet kiss on her cheek. Not that she really believed what he said; after all he had promised her the same at least ten times the last __few__ weeks__._

_After a moment of complete silence she felt his breathing __get__ even, he was falling sleep. He started murmuring loving words next to her ear while his hands stroked her stomach softly and she felt like crying, her heart was breaking slowly and she was afraid that when all __of __this was over there was not going to be __anything__ left to pick up._

**I know it's long gone,**

**And that magic's not here no more,**

**And I might be okay,**

**But I'm not fine at all**

.

.

"_So, you think I should take it?" Elena asked Bonnie from across the table __at__ the café shop__._

"_Of course, honestly, __you'd__ be stupid __to__ not __do__ it__.__" The brunette girl answered with a smile__.__ "It's a freaking job at Elle Elena, I know it's not Vogue but it's pretty damn good, besides you'll be going to Paris, __you've__ always wanted to go there__.__" _

"_I know Bon, I know it's good, hell, it's better __than__ anything I ever expected to obtain… but__...__" She looked down not being able to stand her friend's stare, she knew Bonnie hated the situation she was currently in__._

"_But what? Damon?" Bonnie shook her head softly__.__ "How long are you going to continue denying what's in front of you Lena?"_

"_I know but-"_

"_There's nothing you can save from that relationship__.__" She said with compassion __in__ her eyes__.__ "I know you love him, trust me, I know you do. But he's no longer the guy you used to know… and I don't know if he truly loves you now__.__" Bonnie wasn't able to look her in the eye while saying this, she didn't __want__ to see the shattered expression __in__ her best friend's eyes__._

"_But I don't know if I'm able to walk away from him__.__" Elena said truly, she wasn't angry with Bonnie for saying those harsh words __to__ her. Deep down inside she knew they were true, Damon's love for her was none existent, she was realizing this now. This new Damon didn't love her. _

"_Elena you're the strongest woman __I've __ever met, of course you can do this__.__"_

"_I'm not Bonnie, if I was strong I wouldn't have __stood__ with him for this long__.__" Elena said with shame all over her face, it made her sick to know how pathetic she truly was._

"_Elena don't ever say that , you didn't stay with him because you were weak. You did it because you love him, and you __thought__ that maybe there was still a part of him that could be saved__.__" Bonnie reached across the table and touched her hand softly__.__ "Hey, I know Damon was there when you needed him the most, he loved you dearly, and supported you through everything, you wouldn't be Elena Gilbert if you didn't __try__ to help him, you wouldn't be her if you didn't love him still__.__" She smiled nostalgically at her__.__ "But it's time to move on Lena, and for that, you need to let go of him__.__"_

"_Thank you Bonnie__.__" Elena answered with watering eyes__.__ "I think you're right__.__"_

_On__ the walk home she __thought__ about __everything__ Bonnie __had__ told her, she knew her friend was right, it was time for her to let Damon go, to stop this cycle that was slowly breaking her. But it hurt too much, it hurt to know that this was the way things were going to end up between them. There was no __sadder__ thing than to find out the person you knew the most was now a stranger to you. _

_She missed him, she missed her best friend. Who would she call up with good news now? Who was going to stay hours __on__ the phone with her in her nights of insomnia? He was and had been her person all along, how could she say goodbye to all of that? How could she say goodbye to the little boy she met so many years ago? She couldn't even __fathom__ that idea, to give up on him. To never know what was going on in his life, to not hear his voice every day._

_When she arrived __at__ her apartment and found him there her heart dropped to the floor, he was sitting __at__ the dinner table and had a cold expression on his face, his blue eyes were glacial when they looked at her._

"_Were you going to tell me?" __he__ asked coldly__._

"_About what?" __she__ said faking ignorance__._

"_Really? You don't know__?__" __he__ raised __an eyebrow__ at her__.__ "Then what's this?" __he__ threw __the letter at her that__she'd__ received from Elle Magazine__._

"_You went through __my__ mail?" __she__ said indignantly__._

"_Don't change the subject__.__"_

"_I haven't __made__ a decision yet__.__" Elena said softly__._

"_Oh but I think you have__.__" He said before letting out a __sardonic__ laugh__.__ "You want to be far away from the big bad wolf__.__" He got up from his chair and walked towards her__.__ "Well you __don't__ have to go to another continent for that, love__.__" _

"_Damon come on, don't be like that__.__" She said in a desperate tone, this was not the way she wanted him to __find__ out about __this._

"_Then how do you want me to be when I found out that my girlfriend is leaving the country?" __he__ spat angrily at her__._

"_Oh, I'm still your girlfriend?" Elena said with irony __in__ her voice__.__ "I'm sorry I must __have __got confused, you know with all the girls you're screwing around __with.__" _

_Damon glared __harshly__ at her__.__ "You want to leave? You want to be far away from me? Then fine. I won't stop you__.__" He muttered before walking past her, heading towards the door__._

"_Damon please__.__" Elena pleaded with him, gripping his upper arm when he walked __past__ her__.__ "I don't want things to end up like this between us__.__" She turned around to face him__._

"_Is there any other way?" __he__ whispered__._

"_Yes__.__" She moved to stand face to face with him and placed her hand against his cheek__,__ "yes there is__.__"_

"_The truth is I'm not in love with you anymore Elena__.__" He said calmly and Elena felt her heart breaking at his words, hearing the words out loud, coming from his mouth was more than she could bear__.__ "The best you could do is leave__.__" _

"_But Damon…" She whispered helplessly. A part of her was still hoping that he would ask her to stay, that he was going to tell her that he loved her and that he would change, but apparently that had been just a dream, this time there was no happy ending for them. Just two very different people __on__ two different roads._

"_This was your dream all along, wasn't? Then go and follow it__.__" He removed her hand from his face__.__ "Because I don't need you here anymore__.__" He spat angrily at her__._

"_Do you mean it? Do you really mean it?" __she__ asked with tears streaming down her face, she couldn't believe that __things__were__ ending this way; Damon had been a part of her life since forever, how could her world be the same without him in it?_

"_Yes__.__" He looked at her with frosty eyes__.__ "You should have __noticed__ it a long time ago sweetheart, do you think __that __if I still loved you I __would__ be screwing half the city?" __he__ said with a mischievous grin__._

"_Then why __did__ you __stay__ with me?" Elena asked between sobs__._

"_Habit__.__" He shrugged__.__ "I was afraid of what letting you __go__ would mean, but not anymore__.__" He started walking towards the door once again__.__ "So leave, there's nothing for you here__.__" He told her before walking away__._

_When the door shut __closed__ she let herself fall to the floor and lose it completely, the sobs took complete control of her, she couldn't control it, the world was shattering around her. __Things__ shouldn't be like this; it was not __supposed__ to end up this way. _

_Damon didn't love her, it was true. He didn't love her anymore. He was finally letting her go. And it hurt like hell._

* * *

"Elena, stop." Damon said breaking apart from the kiss. It didn't felt right… not when he was hiding a huge secret from her.

"Why?" she said while caressing the small patch of skin that peeked from under his shirt. She didn't know what had come over her but she needed him, now.

"Because… because." He couldn't tell her the truth, not now, it would break her and he was selfish, he wanted her to keep loving him for a little longer.

"See, my point exactly." Elena said before taking his lips in a kiss again. "I want you." She murmured against his mouth.

"My sweet Elena, do you have any idea how much I want you?" he answered heatedly, his resolve to do the right thing flew out the window the moment her lips collided with his once again.

"Then take me, I'm here." She whispered while looking at him under her long lashes.

Bending his head he kissed her with such a wild urgency that shocked her to her very core, his tongue ravished every space of her mouth, it was as if she was a drug to him and he couldn't find the strength to stop, he didn't want to stop. He wanted to brand her as his again, those lips belonged to him and he would make sure she knew that.

Fire ran through his veins as she laced her hands in his dark hair, she was burning up as though she had a fever, his hard body was pressed tightly against her and she couldn't help but compare it to her experience with Kol, God she had been so stupid for sleeping with him, he hadn't felt like this, not at all.

She heard the sound of fabric ripping and let out a gasp when she realized it was her own blouse, he had ripped it apart and was now concentrating on unhooking her bra. "You're so beautiful." He muttered in awe when he looked at her bare breasts; he had missed them so much.

"Damon!" Elena cried out when he took one of her nipples into his mouth, the sensations going through her body were almost too much to handle. He released her breast and went for her mouth again, loving the taste of her.

"Wrap your legs around me." He said with his voice full of desire before lifting her by the rear and she couldn't help but comply with his request, her legs fit perfectly around his hips like they were made to mold together. Her body was made to love his.

Before she realized what was happening he was tossing her on the bed and removing her pants in one swift motion. "I can't wait to have you." He whispered before starting to place kisses down her navel. "I need a taste." He ran his nose through the front of her lacy underwear and she couldn't help the blush that crept to her face. It had been so long since someone did that to her, in fact he was the last man that had done that to her.

At the first touch of his tongue against her heated flesh she let out a loud shriek, it felt too good, the things that man could do with his tongue should be illegal, she fisted her hands in the tangled sheets beneath her as his tongue lapped at her with expertise. "Look at me, my love." He whispered against her most sensitive part and she obliged, his blue eyes boring into hers as his tongue went inside her tight hole, her heart felt as if it was going to explode out of her chest at the sight, she couldn't see or feel anything but him, she closed her eyes in pure bliss as his tongue fucked her slowly.

"Come for me baby." He rasped while his thumb played with her clit and she couldn't stop, even if she wanted to. The force of her orgasm shocked her completely; she swore that stars were dancing behind her closed eyelids. When she opened her eyes he was shredding his own clothes, she couldn't wait any longer.

Now she wanted his weight on her, she didn't need time to recover, they'd already lost enough, now completely naked he placed one last kiss to her quivering pussy before lifting his head and he started laying a trail of kisses from her belly button to the valley between her breasts. "No more teasing, please." She pleaded with him. "Damon… I need you." He rose above her and silenced her with his forceful mouth.

She felt him hard and hot against her tender flesh, he stared down at her, doubtedly, asking for permission but she didn't need to think about it twice, she wanted him, she had waited too long for him. And then with one thrust he was inside her.

He stilled, looking at her with triumph and possessiveness stamped across his face before leaning down and kissing her slowly this time. "Damon… I need you to move." He chuckled and bucked his hips against her, enough to have her begging for more. He had her right where he wanted her and he knew it damn well.

All conscious thought left her mind completely when he started moving; she was lost in the sensation, in the primal rhythm of his hips, in the need that was consuming her. "You're mine Elena, you're all mine." He groaned against her ear as he started to move faster inside her. He needed her to know that, to know that her soul, heart and body belonged only to him and he would kill any other man that touched her.

She had given her body to that stupid doctor but he wasn't letting something like that happen again, Elena belonged to him, he was marking her body as his once again, and he would be damned if any other idiot came near her again.

"Oh Damon." She shouted in pure passion as he nipped the tender flesh of her neck, her head was thrown back so he could have complete access to that part of her, his fingers played gently with her nipples as hers dug deep into his hips.

"Say it Elena." He said with a primal need she'd never seen in him before. "Say you belong to me."

"I'm yours Damon, I've always been yours just like you've always been mine." He kissed her again with a bruising force and then she felt it, wave after wave of an unbelievable pleasure, she thought never in her life that she was going to feel this way again, it was magnificent.

He stilled inside her and with a harsh groan of pure masculine satisfaction he emptied himself inside her. "Elena!" he chanted her name over and over again as the orgasm swept over him. After everything he had done he shouldn't be allowed to feel this way again.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern on his face, he pulled away from her and supported himself with his elbows.

"Are you seriously asking me that?" she answered with a lazy smile gracing her lips, he was still buried deep inside her and she loved the feeling.

"Yeah I guess it was a stupid question." He said with a smirk before rolling away from her, she felt the loss immediately, the weight of his body on top of her, it was something she had missed so much.

She stayed still not knowing what to do now, should she go? Were they supposed to talk now? She didn't know the procedure for a situation like the one they were currently in. "Come here." He said as if sensing her distress, he dragged her next to him so he could hold her tightly, her head resting against his chest.

Elena couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this close to him, in the last moments of their relationship the sex had been all about passion and need but not about love, after it, he would go and take a shower like it was the most normal thing in the world but not now, tonight had been different, he had attacked her with such hunger and passion that it had shocked her but there was also love and tenderness in his touches and now he was holding her, like he used to do.

"What's on your mind?" he asked while placing a kiss to her forehead.

"Why did you get me the interview at Vogue?" she asked softly, the question had been haunting her for the past few days and it felt like a good moment to let it out.

"What are you talking about?" he said nonchalantly but she could always tell when he was lying.

"Don't play dumb with me Damon." Elena said rolling her eyes. "Mr. Smith told me you called him, he said that wasn't why he hired me… but it's the reason why he gave me the interview."

That fucker Elijah, he was really going to kill him Damon thought to himself. "You've wanted that since you were a little girl Elena… I told you once that I would do anything to make your dreams come true."

"But I thought you didn't care about me anymore?" she said with a shaky voice.

"You know I do, I never stopped caring for you." Damon said while rubbing her arm softly. "Didn't I tell you less than an hour ago that I'm still in love with you?" he placed his hand underneath her chin and forced her to look at him. "I love you Lena."

"I love you too Damon." She whispered softly before placing her head against his chest once again.

"What's on your mind now?" he asked with a smile.

"That I really want to sleep now." She said while rubbing her cheek lovingly against the light hair on his chest.

"Then go to sleep angel, I promise I'll be here when you wake up." He murmured lovingly before tightening his hold on her.

She closed her eyes and let the sleep take over her, trusting his words. He wouldn't let her down, not again

* * *

_**So, was it worth the wait?**_


	12. Have you finally forgiven me?

_I talk to you as to a friend._

_I hope that's what you've come to be_

_It feels as though we've made amends_

_Like we found a way eventually_

**_Sway –The Perishers-_**

_._

"So are you finally going to tell me what you decided to do about Matt?" Stefan asked Caroline while they were pretending to watch the movie in front of them. She had insisted on having a Saw marathon and to be truly honest he was bored after the second film.

"Well I haven't decided anything yet." Caroline said while biting her nail as her eyes were glued to the horrible scenes on the screen.

She and Stefan had been going out a lot lately, she wanted him to be comfortable around people again, to be the Stefan who wasn't in so much pain, and apparently she was doing pretty well since he had been sober for the last week and even though his eyes were still sad at moments he was slowly putting himself back together.

"What do you mean you haven't decided? You can't be encouraging both of them, you know." He said while taking the control and pressing pause to the movie, he'd had enough of jigsaw for a lifetime. He turned around on the couch so he was now facing her.

"It's just I really don't know what to do," Caroline said exasperatedly. "I'm really scared."

Caroline had been going out with Matt these last few weeks and it had been so easy to fall back into old patterns, when they were together it was as if all the time they were apart didn't exist, but of course she had a boyfriend named Klaus which made everything so much more difficult, she really liked him and she had no idea what to do about her feelings.

"Scared of what?"

"Of Matt."

"You know he's not a serial killer."

"I know that you dumbass, but what if things don't work out again and we ruin our friendship again?" Caroline said with a frown, that was her greatest fear, taking a chance on them only to have it backfire on her, she'd rather have Matt in her life as a friend than not have him in it at all.

"But what if it does work out?" Stefan said with a small smile.

"Well anyway I still have a boyfriend you know, I can't do this to Klaus."

"Don't you think it's worse if you stay with him without loving him?" he said with a raised brow.

"The thing is… I don't know how I feel." She said honestly. "Klaus is great and I really like spending time with him… you know we have lots of chemistry… but with Matt-"

"You have history."

"Yeah."

"Look Caroline, make your decision based on what you feel, don't let fear overrule you." He took her hand and squeezed it softly. "You deserve to be happy, if I could have another chance with-" He looked down not being able to say her name out loud. "I wouldn't doubt it."

"I know." Caroline said closing her eyes briefly. "God, my dramas are so superficial, let's stop talking about me, how are you?"

"I don't think your dramas are superficial Care, we have what we have and your life is important to me." He said with a smile. "And I have to say that thanks to you I'm doing pretty well lately, it's become easier to breathe."

"I'm glad to know I'm helping you." She squeezed his hand like he did to her seconds ago.

"Now the thing that is worrying me is Damon." He said with a concerned expression on his face.

"Don't talk to me about that asshole."

"Caroline-"

"No, I don't want to hear anything about him again." She released her hand from Stefan's grasp. "He has done nothing more than hurt us, look at what he did with that April bitch!"

"He's confused Caroline; you have no idea about all the things that happen in Damon's mind."

"And you do?" she asked him sardonically.

"Maybe we just need to give him a chance." He said apologetically.

"We've done nothing more than give him chances." She huffed.

"But you still care about him?"

"Of course, I'm always gonna care about him… he was my friend." Caroline said with sad eyes. "It's just- can we stop talking about him, I want to keep watching the movie."

"Okay, as you wish." He smiled sadly before pressing play again.

He was really hating this movie.

**_I look at you and see a friend_**

**_I hope that's what you wanna be_**

**_Are we back now where it all began?_**

**_Have you finally forgiven me?_**

_._

"We need to talk." He said, his poker face not giving her a clue about what he wanted to say to her, but she knew that if he said 'last night was a mistake' she was surely going to lose it right there.

"Okay." She said softly and sat in front of him at his small kitchen table. "About what?"

She was only wearing one of his shirts and her hair fell curly and disheveled around her shoulders and there was no sexier sight than that one, which made everything so much more difficult for him.

"It's about Katherine." Elena felt his stomach constrict the minute the words left his mouth, was he going to tell her that he was still in love with Katherine?

"What about her?" she tried to sound as nonchalant as she could.

"She came to me because she had some info on my father." Damon took a deep breath.

"Info about what?" Elena asked, genuinely interested now.

"She handed me some documents that proved that my father has been committing fraud in the company for a very very long time." Even as he said the words he still couldn't believe it, he never thought his father could be this kind of a monster.

"Oh my God Damon, are you sure? How do you know it's not something she orchestrated?" It wasn't crazy to think that Katherine was setting everything up, after all she did everything for her own enjoyment.

"I don't think so Lena, I checked the papers myself… no matter how much I wish it wasn't true - it is." Damon took a deep breath. "But I also have my doubts which is why Alaric is coming this afternoon to go through everything."

"God I cannot believe this, I always thought your father took his job very seriously."

"He does," Damon said sardonically. "But that's not all…"

"What is it Damon?" Elena asked with a frown, she saw all the blood run out of his face and was really concerned about the next words that would come out of his mouth.

"There was someone who found out about what my father was doing… and they were going to out him." Damon gripped the table hard until the point where his knuckles were turning white, how could he say this to her? This would break her.

"Who?"

"Your father Elena." He wasn't able to meet her eyes, he couldn't see the rejection and disgust on her face. "He knew which is why my father had to stop him."

"What are you saying Damon?"

"I'm saying that Giuseppe Salvatore was responsible for your parents death."

"No, no, that's not possible." She got up from the chair and started pacing around the kitchen. "Tell me that isn't true Damon."

"I'm sorry Elena."

"And you didn't tell me! Yesterday you didn't-"

"I was trying to but you didn't let me-"

"Oh so now it's my fault!" she let out a sardonic laugh.

"No that's not what I mean-"

"Oh my God." She covered her mouth with her hand as the tears started to stream down her face. "Maybe she's lying, Katherine is lying."

"No, Elena, she was really scared."

"Scared of what?! That woman doesn't have any feelings!" she said between sobs.

"He hurt her too, Katherine was pregnant."

"What?" Her eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. "Was the baby-?"

"Not mine, it was my father's… he hurt her… he made her lose the baby." If someone told him two weeks ago that he would be saying those words he wouldn't have believed it, no matter how many times he'd hurt him or how angry he'd gotten with him, Giuseppe was his father and he loved him. But not today, today he couldn't love him.

"No, no. Oh God, this can't be true!" Elena said gripping her hair with despair. "It's like something coming out of a movie."

"I know, but it's the truth."

"I need to leave, I need to." She started looking around for her clothes like a mad woman.

"No, please." Damon got up and gripped her shoulders tightly, forcing her to stay still. "Please, don't be mad at me."

"Oh Damon." Her watery eyes stared at him with compassion. "Why would I be mad at you? None of this is your fault." She sobbed and he held her tightly, her cries muffled against his bare chest while her hands gripped him tightly.

"I'm so sorry Lena." He murmured against her hair.

"I can't believe this, I can't."

"I know, I know." He whispered softly while stroking her hair.

"Why do bad things keep happening to us?"

"I don't know." He stated honestly, maybe he wasn't meant to be happy.

"What are we gonna do now?" Her voice was barely audible.

"Now we're gonna put him in prison." His voice was hard and full of determination.

"But he's your father." Her broken brown eyes stared at him. "I can't ask you to-"

"And he's a murderer; he has to pay for his crimes." He stroked her cheek softly. "I owe this to you."

She nodded while another torrent of sobs took hold of her body and he held her just like he did the night her parents died.

**_I don't wanna hurt you_**

**_I don't wanna make you sway_**

**_Like I know, I've done before _**

**_I will not do it anymore_**

_._

_Elena looked around and had a sense of claustrophobia she couldn't explain, she wanted to go to Paris she really did but she couldn't __help__ that feeling in the pit of her stomach that kept telling her she was leaving something important behind, because of course __she __was._

"_Promise __you'll__ call the minute you arrive__.__" Jenna said anxiously__._

"_Even if it's late here, we don't mind__.__" Jeremy said before giving her a strong hug__.__ "I'll miss you a lot sis__.__" _

"_Me too Jer__.__" Elena said in a broken voice__.__ "Gosh you guys are making me cry__!__"_

_"And please shower, I heard __French__ people don't shower__.__" Matt said with worry on his face which made everyone around start to laugh, leave it to him __to__ lighten the mood._

_All of the people she loved were here to say goodbye to her, Jeremy, Jenna, Bonnie and Tyler, Caroline and Matt, Stefan and Rebekah, everyone except one. Her best friend. _

"_I'm gonna miss you guys so much!" Elena whined__._

"_We're gonna miss you too Lena__.__" Bonnie said __wiping__ a tear from her eye__._

"_Promise to call us often please__,__" Caroline said with tears down her face__.__ "I don't know what we're gonna do without you__.__" _

"_Things won't be the same__.__" Rebekah said with __her__ eyes full of tears__._

"_You guys__!__" Elena said between sobs__._

"_Here __come__ the waterworks__.__" Tyler said with a small smile__._

_This goodbye had a bitter taste __to__ it, it's not the way she had wanted it but she couldn't help but feel grateful for all __of the__ amazing people in her life, she had been blessed with friends like this. One by one they started to say goodbye, giving her hugs and things to remember them __by__, telling her encouraging words, that everything would be okay and that they would miss her dearly._

_It was only when Stefan held her that she felt like her heart was breaking__.__ "I'm so sorry Lena__.__" He whispered in her ear__.__ "He still loves you, I know__.__" And she wanted to believe him, she really did but after everything she just couldn't __fathom__ that idea. She had to let go of him even though it hurt her._

"_Au revoir__.__" She said to her friends before crossing the gate, the tears were now streaming freely down her face. She was leaving so much behind, her friends, her life, her love, her heart. _

_Unknown to her there was a pair of blue eyes looking at her __in__ the distance; they had been watching her since the moment she arrived __at__ the airport. He watched her cry, laugh and say goodbye all while trying to be strong and not run to her, tell her to stay, that he loved her. But she deserved better, she deserved to reach her dreams, he wasn't going to stop her from doing it. He could never forgive himself if her dreams crumbled down because of him._

_So he watched her leave, watched the love of his life disappear behind the gates while a silent tear fell from his eye, he had to do the right thing by her, and that was letting her go. _

_._

**_I've always been a dreamer_**

**_I've had my head among the clouds_**

**_But now that I'm coming down_**

**_Won't you be my solid ground?_**

_._

She sat on her couch with her knees propped up against her chest in an attempt to keep herself whole, she felt like at any minute she would crumble down into the floor.

"Ric said he'll be here in an hour." Damon said walking into the living room. They called Ric and told him to meet with them at her apartment instead of Damon's because she needed a shower and some new clothes, he hadn't wanted to get her involved in all of this but she insisted, it was her parents death after all.

"That's okay." She whispered softly.

"Are you all right?" he sat down next to her and stroked softly at her damp hair.

"Why did you leave me Damon? Why did you do all those cruel things to me?" she never looked so tiny and fragile as she did in that moment and Damon hated himself for doing that to her.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" she gave him a hard glare.

"I guess I was trying to push you away, I wanted you to leave me… because I was never going to be strong enough to do it… I wanted you to hate me." His blue eyes stared deeply into hers and for a moment Elena saw the fragile boy he really was.

"But why? What did I do to make you want that?" Elena asked.

"Don't you get it Lena? It was never about you… it was always about me." He looked down and stroked her knee softly. "I didn't want you to be my mother, doomed to spend forever with a man like me."

"But Damon you are nothing like your father, haven't you realized that?" Elena told him softly.

"But I am Elena, even she knew that." He gripped her knee tightly as if to make her understand. "Days before she died, she told me that I was just like him… that I hurt people." Elena shook her head in disbelief, she couldn't imagine Alessandra saying something like that to her own child. "And well she must be really proud… because that's exactly what I am, I'm just like him."

"No, you're not. Your mother was wrong Damon. You are nothing like him." She said in a hard voice, she couldn't stand him saying those words, to underestimate himself so much.

"And I thought that if I pushed you enough, you would leave just like everyone did." He said choosing to ignore her early comment. "Stefan had Rebekah, my dad wasn't ever really there and my mom left us, I thought that you would leave too."

"Damon your mother didn't leave you, she died. It wasn't her decision." She leaned forward to be closer to him.

"But it was Elena." His voice broke down and she felt his chest constrict at the sound. "My mother killed herself, she didn't want to stay with us."

"No, your mother had a heart attack." Elena said confused.

"That's what my father and the doctors agreed to say, Giuseppe Salvatore couldn't be involved in a scandal like that." Damon said with bitterness. "I was the one who found her."

"Oh God Damon," Elena took his hands between hers and squeezed them softly. "Does Stefan know about this?"

"No, no. And he can't know, especially now." Elena could see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, the last time she saw him cry was after his mother's death.

"You have been carrying with you that secret for all these years." Elena shook her head softly, she didn't think that anyone could have known all the things going on inside Damon's head.

"I had to; I couldn't hurt my brother by telling him the truth," he said firmly. "I had to protect him."

"And who was protecting you?" Elena said softly before leaning down and placing a soft kiss onto his cheek. He took the chance and wrapped his arms around her, forcing her to sit on his lap.

"But you didn't leave me." He whispered absently and Elena forgot for a moment what they were discussing before his revelation. "You stayed with me even after all the things I did to you… and the more you loved me in spite of that the more angry I got, and then I saw the letter from Elle."

"And you saw a way out."

"I knew that going was going to make you happy but you wouldn't go if you knew I still loved you." Elena closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, could they move past this? Was there something to save in this relationship? "So I lied, I told you all those things… and you left."

"Damon-"

"I knew you would be better without me."

"But I wasn't." She admitted and lifted her head to stare into his blue eyes.

He let out a breath and kissed her on the lips, she was everything to him. And right now he could feel a big weight being lifted off from his shoulders, they had no secrets anymore, and she knew about his mom, he wasn't alone anymore.

And in that moment he wondered if maybe he could be better, better than his father. Could he be what she needed? What she deserved?


End file.
